All That Jazz, Week 44, Day 6

Work, school (hard!), car stuff (not so good--bent frame), roommates (long story), parents (they're doing great, by the way!), social life (long story, too...but not one I'm going to tell here, haha) ...ya know, all that jazz to keep life "interesting". But, sadly, no weight loss. I can't really use the word "sadly", though. It's not like I've actually put the effort into it the past few weeks. And weight doesn't just decide on it's own to pack up it's fat suitcase and leave on it's own accord, unwelcome guest that it is. It needs to be evicted. Simply ignoring it won't work. And feeding it sure doesn't work. Dang...

So...anyway, I've had a few cookies at work (okay...truth time...I've had some sweets at home too), and some sodas. And I haven't been doing any exercise at home except for working with the weights for my arms. Honestly, after working hours on my feet, I'm too sore when I get home to do any biking for stair-climbing. The good news is that there is actually quite a bit of walking at work. Not like it's a huge store, but it is one of the larger ones in the city. And there is quite a bit of walking to get my demo / sales supplies located each day and set my station up and then cleaned up and put away at night. Plus, the time clock and employee lounge are upstairs, so at least 3 times a day I do climb those stairs. And the employee parking lot is a block away. So...I'm not being totally sedentary these days. Which all accounts for why I can have cookies and soda and not gain any weight. Not losing any, but not gaining any at all.

But all this confession stuff to get to this point: I need to get "back on the wagon" and start losing weight again. I've got about 50 more pounds to lose before I'll feel like I've actually reached a goal. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy with where I am now. Ecstatic, in fact, to be able to do the things I couldn't have done 80 pounds ago. I hurt when each day at work is over, but I'm soooo happy because no one at work knows there was ever a time when I was too fat to walk like that, too fat to breathe well enough to even get from my bedroom to the bathroom without having to stop to catch my breath. But just because I've reached a point where I'm able to do things again doesn't mean the journey is over. I need to keep going. Really, I NEED to. It's important not just for the journey's sake, but for my health, my comfort at work (less weight on my legs and feet), my job prospects, ...all that jazz. It's time for me to get going again and keep working toward what's best for me.

Today's Tip:
It doesn't matter what distractions life brings ...what jazz jumbles up your life for awhile ..., never be afraid to get back to working on your fitness goals. Getting distracted isn't a failure. Giving up forever is. Keep going! You know in your heart that it's worth it!

Such a Naughty Girl! Week 42, Day 3

Okay, so I've cheated a little. Maybe a lot. I'm back to drinking soda pop. Dang. I thought I had that habit gone. But it's summer and hot, and a cool soda tastes sooooo good. But the scales are showing my definite lack of progress, and I now have to go through the whole habit-breaking again. So hard! And...I must admit, I've been having some ice cream, too. Not every day, and not gobs and gobs at a time. But I have been indulging once in awhile. And if I'm not careful, it will be every day. I know myself. So I've got to try to be more diligent and disciplined. Neither of which are my strengths!

On the good side, I'm about ready to go into another size smaller in my slacks. So clearly I'm still managing to tone my leg muscles. My ample hiney is the only thing keeping my from being in a size --or two-- smaller right now. In fact, my pant legs are quite roomy, but around my derriere the slacks still fit, though they're beginning to get loose. So in spite of my lapses and soda drinking, I am managing to make some progress.

My appetite still hasn't come back, which is fine with me. I simply try to remember each day to eat at least a bowl of cereal and some veggies...or something. Believe me, the results of the hormonal imbalance were unpleasant enough that I don't want to go without food for an extended period of time EVER again. When I saw the doctor a couple of weeks ago, he said I'm still very low on some things, like vitamins B, C, and D. But he doesn't want to see me again until December unless I start having troubles again. So I'm on track.

Mom and Dad are still walking and doing well. Our roommates have moved in. School is going fine. So I guess, little by little, our new "normal" is developing. For better or for worse.

Today's Tip:
Jillian Michaels, one of the awesome trainers from NBCs Biggest Loser (the show that first inspired me to begin my weight loss journey), published a book last year called Master Your Metabolism. Awesome book. Now she has a cookbook to go along with it. Amazon has the best price I've found. I highly recommend it!

My Own Personal Time Machine.....Week 40, Day 3

Wow, 10 days since I last posted. Shame on me! But what a great 10 days it has been! Everything is going great, and I have to say, it's about stinkin' time! haha! I have that new job I told you about before, and I've been through training and start tomorrow. School is keeping my nose to the grindstone, but so far I've made A's on my quizzes. Adam has been inspired to begin his own college journey, and he is now enrolled for the Fall semester in Electronic Graphic Arts & Design. His new position as evening manager at the restaurant is going well. My weight loss is perking right along again at about 2 pounds a week. And I feel better than I have in about 15 years. It's the next best thing to jumping into a time machine! I saw my doctor yesterday, and he was completely delighted at my progress. Lesson learned -- never again will I EVER let my hormones become so very out of whack! Proper nutrition, enough rest, and a good amount of exercise are now top priorities in my life EVERY DAY!!! No slacking off, and no excuses. I hope your life is going well, too!

Exercise lately has been mostly walking in preparation for my job. I've done a bit of work with my hand weights so I don't lose strength in my arms, but otherwise, the focus has been on my legs. I suppose I'll mix it up a bit more after I get used to being on my feet at work. And I think in the Fall when the weather gets cooler, I'll just walk to work. I'm looking forward to it!

As for food, I'm still not hungry, but I have food reminders programmed into my phone so I don't forget to eat. I have a bit of a routine worked out. High fiber cereal in the morning. Turkey sandwich and yogurt in the afternoon. Big bowl of mixed veggies in the evening. And another cup of yogurt later if I'm still hungry. Sometimes I have a fruit smoothie in the afternoon to cool off, but not often. The yogurt has fruit in it, so I'm not too worried about getting enough fruit. Cheating? Yup, I do that now and then. Last week I had a chili cheese dog. And about 2 o'clock in the morning I spent an hour in the bathroom with my body threatening to violently fling disgusting liquids out of various portals. Was it worth the pain? Well...as I was eating it, I would have said absolutely yes. At 2 o'clock in the morning, not so much. But I suspect I'll cheat again now and then. But maybe with cake or ice cream instead.

Today's Tip:
Did you ever wonder which is really most effective, diet or exercise? Women's Health magazine has addressed this question and has a feature on their website that evaluates the effectiveness of both diet and exercise in losing weight, fighting disease, and boosting overall well-being. Check out "Get Fit: Diet Vs. Exercise" at >>> http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/exercise-and-diet?cm_mmc=Newsletter-_-2010_Jun_11-_-Dose-_-readon

Tiger by the Tail, Week 38, Day 6

I am totally amused today. I feel better than I have in years. And not only do I have a tiger by the tail (as the saying goes), but I'm pretty sure today I have a much more fierce roar than he does. Everyone else in the jungle better get out of my way because today I am Queen. Oh yeah, I rule! Good thing, too, since life is making a paradigm shift right now....again.

Okay, to recap: a few weeks ago I was dangerously depressed, I lost my job, my car's transmission had blown up and I was driving a car that had belonged to my nephew and was badly beaten up, and I despaired of ever having life be good again.

This is what has changed: Today I have a new job (I just got hired), I have started college again (holy smokes, my classes are HARD!), my son has decided that college is a good idea and wants to go too, my poor little beat up car makes me laugh every time I look at it. My weight loss is slowly starting up again -- I lost a couple of pounds this week, in spite of having birthday cake this past Monday.

These are the challenges: My new job doesn't pay much. But that's okay. In today's economy and after being unemployed for a year and a half, I'm glad to have a job. My new job will require that I be on my feet the whole time. But thank goodness I've spent the past several months working on my fitness. Yes, my legs, back, and feet will hurt the first few weeks on the job, but I'll get over it. At least I'll be able to do it; this time last year I couldn't have done it. Yay me! My classes are harder than I thought they would be. But that's okay. If I already knew all the stuff, there wouldn't be any need for me to take the classes. I'll just have to make sure I stay diligent in studying every day. We still haven't been able to afford an alignment for the car. So I haven't seen my parents, First Son, Wifey, or Little Man for a very long time. I miss them!

With work and school, I want to make sure I allow time each day for fitness. I've come too far give up the progress I've made or to give up the goals I've set. I'm grateful for the time off I've had to "jump start" the weight loss at my leisure. But now I will have to be much more disciplined and make sure I stick to an actual schedule. I can do this! I just have to want to badly enough to stick with it. Maybe a calendar and schedule it in? Or maybe the same time every day? I don't know. But I'll make it happen. :)

Today's Tip:
Do you love to snack as much as I do? Smart snacking between main meals can actually keep you from making wrong food choices at mealtime. But unless you're careful about your snacking, it can sabotage your dieting efforts. The folks at Eat This, Not That have developed 7 Snack-Smart Guidelines to help snack the right way. You'll want to read the whole list with the explanations, of course. But the Cliff's Notes version is:

• Don't snack if you're not hungry.
• Go for high-protein, not high-carb.
• Keep the salt down, especially for your kids.
• Take the family to the movies (no butter on the popcorn, though!).
• Go nuts and dark chocolate.
• Reward yourself with ice cream (one spoonful triggers the pleasure center in the brain).
• Think dips (the right dips, that is).

Check out the explanations and more in-depth advice with 7 Snack-Smart Guidelines at this link>>> http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/content/7-snack-smart-guidelines?cm_mmc=ETNTNL-_-2010_06_01-_-HTML-_-dek

Only ONE Chin!, Week 38, Day 1

Yesterday was party day, and I ate CAKE. Yes, cake. With sugary frosting. And I loved it. After all, it's not every day one's last child reaches the milestone age of 21. However, I am enjoying my fruit and veggies today!

A photo was taken of me yesterday. And I was really surprised at home much it showed my weight loss. So I thought for today's blog entry I would show some "before" photos and then yesterday's "now" photo. It will be fun to do it again when the next 50 pounds are gone!

This is from December 2009 at Christmas time. I'm playing with my doggie, Cinnamon. The slacks are size 26, I wear a size 18 now. The sweater, which you see doesn't even go around me in the photo, hangs on me like hobo clothes now.









This one is from this past September, just as I was beginning this blog. Sixty pounds ago. Not a pretty picture. I tried. But nope, not a pretty picture.

















Look, ma, I have cheekbones and only ONE chin! This photo is from yesterday. I still have some weight to lose -- mostly from my rear end. But I'm well on my way! Wooohoo! Oh...and that handsome man with me? My son Adam on his 21st birthday. And yes, that is a tiara on his head. His friends opted for a princess theme this year. They are as quirky as we are, and that's why we love them!

Baggy Ts and Maggots - Week 37, Day 4

A lot is said these days about the young kids and their baggy clothes. I don't know that I look much better right now. Oh sure, my pants don't ride low around my knees. But they are quite baggy, and none of my t-shirts fit -- I swear another person could fit with me inside some of these shirts. I guess that's okay. Kind of appalling, though, to think how big I was last summer! And a relief to NOT be that big this summer! I think it *might* be time to go shopping again!

The past few days I've been sitting outside in the afternoons. Now that I'm not so big, I find that I have a better tolerance for the heat. Not like I really love hot weather now. That would take a bigger miracle than weight loss. But I don't mind it. Part of it is that I no longer get overheated so easily. And I think part of it, too, is that I'm used to being hot when I workout. No big deal now. Nothing to hate or be all stressed about. In fact, being heated has some positive emotions associated with it now. So ... interesting to see the unexpected changes that crop up as time goes on.

I didn't do any major walking yesterday, but I did an hour of leg lifts and butt lifts. That came out to about 75 lifts per leg with some rests in between and 25 butt lifts. I feel it today, and I'm glad about that. I walked for about 20 minutes at the grocery store and could feel my leg muscles aching a bit. I like doing different things besides always biking or always walking. But I do want to keep focusing on my lower half as much as possible since there's a LOT of weight down there and my legs are still not as strong as I'd like them to be.

Dad is still keeping up with his walking, and Mom has begun to go with him sometimes. I haven't seen them, but I'll bet they're a cute couple -- two 80-somethings sauntering along the hallway together, doing what they can to improve their health. I'm so proud of them!

Today's Tip:
Shhh...can you keep a secret? Eat This, Not That can't! They have a list of 11 Secrets the Food Industry Doesn't Want You to Know, including what beverage makers don't want you to know (some bottled green teas --like Republic of Tea Pomegranate Green Tea -- aren't as healthy as they would like you to believe), what Land O'Lakes doesn't want you to know (there's no such thing as "fat free" half and half --no matter what they say on the label), what supermarkets don't want you to know (if you're stuck in long lines, you're 25 percent more likely to give in to the temptation of the candy and sodas near you while you wait), and 8 other secrets (look for the one that talks about how the FDA allows maggots and rodent droppings in our food!). Check it out here>>>http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/content/11-secrets-food-industry-doesnt-want-you-know?cm_mmc=ETNTNL-_-2010_05_27-_-HTML-_-dek

Congratulations! Week 37, Day 2

Congratulations to Season 9 Biggest Loser winner, Michael Ventrella! Can you imagine losing 264 pounds? That's more than I started out weighing last September! He began his journey on Biggest Loser at 526 pounds, the biggest contestant in show history. What a brave guy! Check out these before and after photos! And what a triumph to go on and win the competition! Yay, Michael! I only saw the last few minutes of the finale last night, but I went on the NBC site and saw the photos of all the contestants, and I must say I'm completely inspired to get back into full swing on the weight loss. Wooohoo!

My scales still aren't budging. Each day is a few pounds up or down, but nothing out of the same general range I've been in for a couple of months now. The doctor seems to think it's a combination of the lack of eating and the hormonal imbalance. So I've been eating like a good girl and taking my vitamins. The antidepressants are beginning to kick in, and they haven't increased my appetite like some can, so I'm okay on that front. I just can't figure why I'm not losing any weight at all. So I'm going to work on increasing my activity a bit. I'm doing my walking each day, but I'm going to add my bike to my routine. It's been a few months since I've used my recumbent bike, and frankly, these past several weeks I haven't felt much like doing anything. I'm still extremely fatigued --- the doctor says it's because of the hormones -- but I really need to get the weight loss going again. And I'm sure I can do it. I just need to make sure I never, ever give up. It's a process, not a one-time fix. Right? Right!

Food is pretty much the same each day. Money is still very, very tight. So I need for every bite to count. A turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread. A bowl of veggies, usually peas or mixed veggies. A 1/2 cup of yogurt with fruit, and a banana. Not too much, but enough to fill me up. And all good stuff. And plenty, plenty, plenty of water.

So...I'm keeping up the good fight. You do it too....let's keep on keeping on. We'll get there together!

Today's Tip:
I thought this was great advice for life in general, but particularly for those of us on a weight loss or fitness improvement journey. (Thank you to my friend Marie for posting it on Facebook yesterday.):
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do."-Pope John XXIII

Fired and Fired Up, Week 36, Day 4

Okay, so after hearing on Monday that I have a nasty bad hormonal imbalance and need to eat, I've been eating like a good girl. The first couple of days I lost five pounds. Now today I see I have gained seven. So I guess it's a net gain of two. I give up trying to figure this stuff out. I think too much worrying about it will not help, so I'm just going to do my best and keep moving forward. I've lost so much weight already, so I know I can make it all the way to my goal.

The crying jags have been replaced by incessant shaking. I look like I have the beginnings of Parkinsons, but since I feel anxious all the time, I'm sure it's just more of the hormonally-induced mood problems. Or maybe the first week at the new job. Or maybe being fired today from the new job (I dared to ask for some additional training...shame on me). So now what are we going to do for money to pay the bills? I don't know. It's enough to give a person the shakes. On the upside, I made a new friend at work this past week, and I'm grateful for that. Plus, I had an interview yesterday, and today I had plenty of time to fill out more applications. So here I am, fired and fired up all in one day. Please keep us in your prayers.

I've had plenty of exercise this week, mostly walking since the job was in a large building and everything seemed to be far away from everything else. Plus, a couple of trips to walk around Walmart before coming home from work. As for food, I've eaten a bowl of high-fiber cereal each day before work, a turkey sandwich on 12-grain bread and a cup of yogurt for lunch, and a bowl of veggies for dinner. I did splurge and have a soda once at work and a small bag of animal crackers. So...there's my accountability. All in all, I think I did pretty well this week.

Today's Tip:
You know I'm a big advocate of organic, natural foods, and shopping more on the perimeter of a grocery store rather than getting anything canned or packaged. But I know sometimes life gets busy and ready-to-eat foods are really what our lifestyles demand. Prevention.com has a great article on the 49 Best Ready-To-Eat Foods, an aisle-by-aisle guide for healthy eating. I think it's got some great suggestions. They even suggest some organic items! But they also have some great things like Uncle Ben's whole grain white rice. Who knew there was such a thing as whole grain white rice? Plus, SunSweet -- the raisin people -- has just come out with a mix of dried fruits that sounds yummy and is focused on antioxidants. It includes blueberries, cherries, cranberries, and plums. What an awesome idea! The list has some great budget buys, too, so it's well worth taking a peek. You can access it here>>>> http://online.prevention.com/bestfoodawards/?cm_mmc=Spotlight-_-052102010-_-Health-_-Here%27s%20what%20to%20buy%20at%20the%20supermarket

Week 35, Day 6

Oh man, hormones are nothing to mess around with! I just found out today that I have a SEVERE hormonal imbalance. Yes, it's important to eat. Or you will end up like me. Depressed, not sleeping, lacking energy, crying ALL day, unable to think clearly, and unable to lose weight in spite of the lack of eating. I'm so glad I got so desperately sad that I finally went to the doctor in a last-ditch effort to find relief before giving up completely and resorting to plunging myself off a bridge. I heard once that if you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning. Yup, that's me, and this is your warning. Eat, and make darned sure it's a well-balanced diet. Your life truly depends on it.

Soooo...what to do to fix this? No hormone supplements yet. We'll see in a few weeks after I've been on antidepressants for a bit. This way, if there are any side effects, we'll know for sure what's causing the problem. Aside from the antidepressants to lift me as quickly as possible out of this dangerously low mood, my doctor suggested the following steps, which I think are good to do on a regular basis anyway:

• Eat a well-balanced diet EVERY day. Keep a diary to make SURE it is balanced -- particularly important until everything in the body is in balance again and eating right becomes a habit again.

• Take a multi-vitamin EVERY day.

• Consider supplementing diet and a multi wtih vitamin B, C, and D and with Omega-3 complex.

• Exercise, preferably something like walking, which engages most of the body. Exercise helps elevate the mood and regulate hormones.

I went from the doctor's office to the pharmacy to pick up my happy pills to the first day of my new job. Yup, that's right -- the job I didn't want and am pretty sure they made a mistake in hiring me. They may think so, too, if they had known I had a new prescription of happy pills in my purse. Oh well. Too late now! At least with fresh drugs in my system, it is easier to slap a happy smile on my face and pretend to be happy to be there. And I am pleased to be earning money again. We had the 2-mile tour today, and I didn't keel over. Yayee for 60 pounds of weight lost and better fitness! This week is training, and we get tested at the end of each day to see if we are worthy to come back the next day for more training. So far, so good; I'm allowed to come back tomorrow.

Today's Tip:
Jillian Michaels (one of the trainers from NBC's Biggest Loser) has written a book about hormones. I have the book, but I haven't read it all yet. I probablly could have avoided a lot of grief and my current problems if I had. If you're interested, here's a link to Amazon. You'll get a better price here than you will at a bookstore. Just click on this link Master Your Metabolism: The 3 Diet Secrets to Naturally Balancing Your Hormones for a Hot and Healthy Body!
or the image:

Mangia, Mangia! Week 35, Day 3

My friend Susan suggested that perhaps the reason I haven't been losing weight, in spite of the fact that I am eating very little yet maintaining a moderate activity level, is because... I'm eating very little. Haha...sweet irony. I had heard of this kind of thing before, but somehow in the chaos of the past few months this fact bypassed the little hamsters operating the master controls in my head. Maybe because it makes no sense that my body would actually be dumb enough to go into starvation mode when I still have so much lard left to burn. Silly hamsters. So I need to eat MORE calories in order to burn the EXTRA calories being stored as fat? Okay...whatever. I'm not hungry these days and forget to eat, we haven't had money for groceries anyway, but if I need to eat in order to drop the fat, then so be it. I'll simply program reminders into my cellphone. Plus, next week when I begin my new doofus job, I'll eat before I go to work and again on break, so that will help. Yayee for eating.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning to go talk to the community college people, and I filled out my application for a Pell grant today. Maybe by this time tomorrow I'll be a student again, another step on the way to Normal. (Yes, I have begun to capitalize the word "normal". It has developed its own persona now. It deserves an upper case N.)

Monday the doofus job begins, but today we had a mini-orientation, complete with I-9's and W-4's. (Lord, help me to be grateful for ANY job after so long without one and when there are so many who still don't have one....I need to work on gratitude.) And three flights of stairs up and down since the elevator was not working. And a ton of walking since the training room was across the very large building. We also learned that on Monday we get a tour of the facility. They said the tour will encompass about 2 miles of walking, so we should bring our exercise shoes. Oh boy. Two miles. Surely they have no idea what fear that puts into the heart of this asthmatic obese woman. If I don't keel over dead, I'll have something to report here Monday night after work (I get off at 9:00). Again, another reason why I'm so very grateful I spent these last several months working on my fitness. Today I did fairly well and kept up with the group. Wish me luck on Monday. And if you have not yet begun your own fitness journey, please please please begin NOW -- trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Today's Tip:
Did you know that a small scoop of tuna salad will help quell a belly ache, pineapple and papaya will help reduce post-workout pain, and dark chocolate helps with sunburn? MSN Health channel has a brief but very interesting article about foods that help fight pain. The article is located here>>> http://health.msn.com/health-topics/pain-management/fibromyalgia/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100256168

Circling Back, Week 35, Day 2

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Or at least they seem to circle back to a very similar place. Fourteen years ago today my two sons and I arrived in Baltimore. No job. No place to live. Just a firm belief that we had arrived where we were supposed to be. Even then, I cried fear-filled tears as we hit the city limits. So much pain, struggle, and uncertainty lay ahead as we fought to save, reconstruct, and lengthen Adam's leg. Now here I am fourteen years later, no more certain of my future, far worse off financially, and officially making my way down the twilight side of the mountain. The good news is that instead of 100 pounds heavier, I am only 20 pounds heavier than when we arrived in Baltimore. Now all I've got to do is find a way to pick up the rest of the pieces of my life that somehow fell apart last year. I've made my way through the dark before - I did it fourteen years ago. Now I've just got to do it again.

I mentioned yesterday about the possibility of my going to ITT Tech. I spoke to their financial aid department today. After the massive wave of nausea passed, I determined that it is definitely not the school for me. There is no way I'm going to sign papers for a $33,000 student loan for an associates degree from a tech school. Soooo...I have an appointment set up for Friday to speak to an advisor at our local community college. Maybe not the prestige I seek, but considering I'm looking at IT, it's not so much the degree as the certifications I'll be getting on the side anyway. And from what I can see on their website, a Pell grant will take care of everything and I won't have to get a huge loan. So it should all work out. At least maybe this option won't make me want to puke. Think good thoughts for me. These decisions all seemed so much easier to make when I was younger! Oddly, fourteen years ago, I was taking college courses too. Again...that whole circling back thing.

I walked a bit more last night. We had to go out to Walmart and buy a new headlight to install on our new poor little adopted car. The automotive department is in the far back corner. And parking was pretty far away. So a good chunk of walking on top of what I had done earlier. Not much today, though. It's been raining all day, and there has been far too much to do. I have done some leg lifts, though, and some work on my arms with weights. So it hasn't been a total loss.

I'm still not eating much. I would think no more than I've been eating, the weight would have been dropping off me. But it has tenaciously held on. That's okay. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing and trust that when the stress is gone, the weight will come off eventually. I'm exercising, I'm not eating excessively. So sooner or later the weight has to disappear.

Today's Tip:
I read in Prevention.com today that yogurt helps create an unfriendly environment in the mouth for bad bacteria. So it helps fight gum disease and bad breath. And it helps with weight loss! Bonus!

Not So Elementary, Watson, Week 35, Day 1

Where is Inspector Gadget when you need him? Or maybe Sherlock Holmes? It is certainly a mystery. No weight loss for about a month, and I can't figure out why. In the absence of a famed detective, I'm going to chalk it up to stress. I'm not eating more than about 300 calories a day, so it can't be that I'm overeating. And I'm keeping my activity level fairly high, so that's not it either. It certainly is frustrating!

Still searching for my new normal, I have spent the past several days looking into schools. And today I applied for admission at ITT Tech. I go talk to their financial aid office tomorrow. Until I get their verdict, I don't know if school is even a possibility. If it is, then I'm hoping that by this time next year my life, my income, and my hope for the future will be vastly different. If I keep on track for my weight loss, my body will be too. Keep moving forward.

As of this afternoon, I have a car in my name again. It was my niece's son's car. It has multiple dents and a lot of miles on it. Not a pretty car by any stretch of the imagination. But it runs and it cost what we could afford. I'm grateful to have it! Life is beginning to look better. I want to walk, but it's different when it's a choice for fitness rather than a requirement because of a lack of wheels!

Today's Tip:
It's nearly time for graduation parties to begin. And some of them will have "forbidden" goodies...you know, all that sweet stuff that looks pretty and tastes so good, but has soooo many calories and is so hard to resist. Never fear! Your willpower will get a huge boost if you plan ahead. Eat something healthy and filling before you go to the party, and it will be so much easier to say no to the siren call of the snack table. Even something simple like a piece of fruit and a bit of cheese will do the trick.

Welcome to Normal, Week 34, Day 6

Happy Mother's Day, everyone! Mine has been quiet. I stepped on the scales today and see that I weigh the same as I did a month ago. No change up or down. After a few months of loads of stress, I guess not going up is a triumph. I used to deal with stress by eating fistfuls of chocolate, so I'm ahead of the game these days.

The blister on my foot from walking so much the other day has finally healed. I think I'll go for a walk later on. I need it after a couple of days of not walking. I need to eat better, too. The past week or so I haven' been eating much. Some crackers and a cup of yogurt or some noodles each day. Have missed my veggies and fruit. But I haven't really felt like eating. I need to make sure I don't let myself get sick. It surprises me, though, that the weight hasn't dropped considering how little I've been eating. Oh well. It will happen.

I remember awhile back talking about how after taking care of my parents I would need to come home and find a new "normal". With my car blowing up, a not-so-perfect job coming up, I've added the decision to change careers. I'm on track to pursue a career in IT, possibly as either as a general technician or a network administrator. First thing is to study for my A+ certificate, and I've already begun studying. Oh, and let's not forget that since we're possibly renting out my bedroom, I'll be living in the basement. A typical geek -- living in the basement doing computer stuff. Not quite what I had envisioned for my new "normal". It's kind of surreal, like I'm standing back watching someone else's life play out. And it's almost amusing. We'll see where all of this goes. In the meantime, I need to find a place that sells pocket protectors -- you know, to complete the "look" to go with my new life.

I have a lead on a car that we can afford. It's not a great one, has 146,000 miles on it. But maybe we won't be on foot much longer and will have a car before the less-than-wonderful temp job starts next Monday. It's a Mitsubishi. I learned today that they're made in Normal, IL. That fact alone makes me feel like we were meant to have this car. It also makes me think that God has a quirky sense of humor. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Adam's birthday is coming up the end of May. I'd like to hit a 100 pound loss by then. I began this blog at 259 pounds, but I actually began losing weight at 279. Since my weight is standing still right now, I don't know if I can make it to my 100 pound loss goal by May 31, but I'd like to try. And if I don't make it by then, I'll aim for July 4. Appropriate marker -- liberate myself from 100 pounds by Independence Day. :)

Today's Tip:
MSN Health has a list of 7 Foods That Should Never Cross Your Lips. I was really surprised by some of them, but the reasons they listed made sense. Here's my shortened version. You can read the whole thing at: http://health.msn.com/nutrition/summers-smartest-choices/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100246775&page=1

1) Microwave popcorn. The bag has toxic components that leach into the popcorn. Better to pop your corn in a skillet.
2) Nonorganic potatoes. Root veggies absorb herbicides, fungicides, and pesticides that are in the soil and are treated with these chemicals again after their picked. Washing won't remove these toxins, either. Better to spend just a bit more and get organic.
3) Farmed salmon. Massive toxins in the water to keep the salmon alive are the problem. If it says "fresh Atlantic", it's farmed. Canned salmon is most likely wild, can be found for as little as $3 a can, and is a much better choice.
4) Milk produced with hormones. Farmers treated their dairy cows with recombinant bovine growth hormone (rbgh) to boost production. Bad stuff. Watch your labels and buy milk that doesn't have rbgh. Walmart's Great Value milk is an example of a brand that doesn't have hormones.
5) Apples. An apple a day might have kept the doctor away back in the old days, but not so much anymore since they're heavily sprayed repeatedly with pesticides that don't wash off. Peeling them will help some, but some people still aren't convinced this is enough and recommend only organic.
6) Canned tomatoes. The acid in the tomatoes causes toxins in the can lining to leach into the food. A safer choice is tomatoes in glass jars.
7) Corn-fed beef. Cows aren't mean to eat corn. They were designed to eat grass. Eating corn and chicken byproducts (like chicken manure) makes them sick, requires antibiotics, and reduces the nutritive value of the meat we eat. Better to spend a bit more and buy grass-fed beef. You'll actually be buying more nutrition and better quality nutrition for your money.

A Mile and a Half, Week 34, Day 3

They say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Well, one more thing went wrong. (This is getting to be a regular occurrence in my life, you know.) My car decided last night it no longer liked holding transmission fluid. So today I took it to the repair shop. Chivalrous dudes that they are, they let me walk home. Roughly a mile. Plus, keeping in mind that we have no money for car repairs and may end up on foot for a long time, I decided that it was time for me to apply for work at the grocery store near us, in spite of the fact that I would be on my feet for eight hours a day and one of my legs goes completely numb if I'm on it for more than 15 minutes. So all-told, I walked about a mile and a half today. I have the blister on my foot as proof. In the grand scheme of fitness, a mile and a half isn't far. But considering I struggled just a couple of weeks ago to get four blocks, a mile and a half today was pretty darned good. If I weren't in so much pain from doing it, I would celebrate.

I think I'll be moving to the basement soon. We just invited a couple of friends of Adam's to move into our place and rent my room. Money is tight. I have no income. And we need the help. Somehow living amongst the boxes and bags in the basement seems like a good option. It beats eviction. Besides trudging up and down the basement stairs each day would be good for me. Right? There's that silver lining again. haha. If I'm reading the handwriting on the wall correctly, I'm going to end up a lot skinnier faster than I anticipated. I'm glad I got fit enough in time to be ready for this newest challenge.

Update: The transmission is dead. So we are officially on foot. I'd better get used to a mile and a half or more on foot each day. Life is not pretty right now.

Today's Tip:
Do NOT delay in your fitness program. You do not know what calamity lies ahead. If it is sunshine and roses, you want to enjoy it all to the fullest. If it is not, you want to be ready to deal with it.

I've Got Questions, Do You Have Answers? Week 33, Day 2

I'm up 8 pounds and having miscellaneous crying jags. Either I'm fatter and life is miserable or PMS has reared its ugly head again. I prefer to think it's simply PMS. Okay, well maybe I am up a few pounds for real and it's not just water weight, but I'm working hard to take it off again, so I think this is just a temporary set back.

As for the crying jags, I may have a reason or two for that, but I'm doing what I can to rectify the situation. I have been unemployed for a bit over a year. Not a bad thing necessarily, as it has enabled me to do some freelance writing and work on my "great American novel". However, unemployment insurance has officially run out (don't believe what the newscasters say about Obama's "extensions"), and the job hunt has gone from a selective search for something that will utilize my talents and interests to oh-my-goodness-I'll-take-anything. And it hurts ---a LOT -- to realize that there are many jobs out of my reach simply because I am still not fit enough to stand on my feet long enough or walk far enough to do them.

I am so very grateful that I have spent the past several months making the progress I have. The weight I have lost and the fitness I have gained is something I'm proud of. However, the shape I allowed myself to get into to begin with is something I'm ashamed of and something I hate myself for now that I am unable to qualify for some employment simply because I screwed myself up. What a total dummy I was. I should have gotten in shape years ago. Better yet, I should never have gotten out of shape. Once I conquer this thing, I must never, never, EVER do this horrible sin to myself again.

This past week I have vascilated between being so depressed that I don't even want to bother getting up in the morning, much less bothering to go out and walk or ride my bike at home, to being so determined to keep working on this and make all the progress I can before I get stuck behind some desk and don't have this free time to work on my fitness. I cry because I'm sad, I cry because I'm angry, I cry because I'm not sure why I'm crying. Then other times I think about how much progress I've made in the past four months and longer, and how much better I'll feel in the next four months. By the end of summer I'll be doing tons better. A whole year will have gone by since I started this blog, and I'll have lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of ability in the process. Maybe by then I'll have a good job -- not just some grunt work, and maybe I'll even have two jobs and be able to save some money back. So sometimes I feel helpless, and other times I feel empowered. I wish I knew a way to make the empowered feelings stay a bit longer. I'm tired of crying.

Food and exercise report: My tooth had been feeling better, but it is hurting again. My root canal is scheduled for next Wednesday. I have no way to pay for it, but I'm still hopeful. In the meantime, my food intake is extremely limited because it hurts to eat. But each day I'm still trying to get at least the same amount of walking done that Dad and I did when I was staying with the folks in Iowa. I don't always go to the mall since it's further from my home and takes more gas to get there. Sometimes I go to Walmart. And in the last couple of days instead of using a cart to walk with like I used to, I've started just walking on my own. The problem with Walmart is that there is no place for me to sit down along the way. The only place to sit is at the front up past the check outs. I like the mall walking since there are places to sit all along the way. So each place has a trade off. Another thing to consider about walking at Walmart is if I go with a cart, I can walk for a much longer time -- about an hour of just plain walking at a regular clip with no sitting. If I go without a cart, I can only do one lap completely around the store before I need to go find a seat.

Today's Tip:
According to QualityHealth.com, some junk food is actually good for you. Yup...I was surprised, too! The article, located here:
https://www.qualityhealth.com/featuredArticleSegmentSubmit
says the following foods that are commonly thought of as junk can help our health:

• Natural Beef Jerky. Beef jerky is high in protein, and an ideal between-meals snack. While some beef-jerky brands are packed with high-sodium ingredients, such as MSG and sodium nitrate, there are chemical-free beef jerky products available. Choose beef jerky with all-natural ingredients--no preservatives and made from lean, grass-fed beef. Research shows that, unlike grain-fed products,
  grass-fed beef contains the same healthy omega-3 fats found in
  fish.

• Pinot Noir. Pinot Noir contains more disease-fighting antioxidants than any other type of alcoholic beverage. The antioxidants in pinot noir have been shown to reduce
  the risk of heart disease, certain cancers and slow the progression of neurological degenerative disorders like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Disease. For non-drinkers, grape juice or even red grapes can be as effective.
• Popcorn. This popular junk food conjures up the image of a
  gigantic bucket of movie theater popcorn soaked in artificial butter and swimming in trans fat. It's true that popcorn served in this way is not good for you. But popcorn served au natural--without the added butter and overlay of salt--is good for you. A little known fact about popcorn is that it is actually a whole grain food and a source of fiber. Another good for you tip--popcorn
  carbs will induce your body to create serotonin, a neurochemical that makes you feel relaxed. Just make sure not to overdo it.
  

Note: The foods that are best for you are the ones that are in a state closest to their natural source. In other words, not processed. If you reach for the junk food, remember to eat
small portions. Junk food can be a part of a healthy diet if eaten in moderation.

Questions I need your help with: Any thoughts on which way is best for gaining strength and endurance the quickest: walking for an hour at Walmart (or any store) with a cart to help support me, or walking a shorter distance and shorter time, but with no cart? And any advice about how to make my back stronger so it doesn't cramp? When it cramps, it squeezes the muscles in my left leg and the whole leg goes to sleep -- that's a major limiting factor in my walking and standing at a job. When thinking about this one, keep in mind my back has been fused and has a metal rod along the spine.

Thanks! I look forward to your help with these questions!

62 Years and Counting. Week 32, Day 6

So how does one go about celebrating 62 years of their parents' wedded bliss? By taking their dad out for a quarter-mile walk, of course! Yup, that's what I did today. Headed to Iowa where my lovely daughter-in-heart was preparing a yummy dinner for us, went out with my dad for a walk before the meal, modeled the new skinny clothes I bought this past week, and had a wonderful visit with everyone before returning home to spend the remaining evening with Adam so he wouldn't be lonely. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. I love you both so much!!

Of course, as soon as I got back to Omaha, Adam headed out to spend time with his friends, so I could have just stayed over in Iowa instead of hurrying back to be with him. But that's a whole other story.... I think I shouldn't have bothered believing him and feeling really badly for him, though, when I was spending time in Iowa taking care of Dad and Adam was giving me a sob story about how bored and lonely he was without me. I have learned my lesson. (Yes...I'm a bit hurt right now. It will pass. Thank you for letting me vent.)
This coming week I have big plans. I bought myself a notebook and am developing a daily to-do list. I think part of my feeling so lost the past several months, and certainly having that feeling so intensely this past week, is because I have not been focused enough. So I am taking steps to change that. The to-do list will help. Each entry has a box next to it, and as I accomplish each task, I'll put a check in each box. At the end of each day, I'll see what I got done, put items not completed on the next day's list, and keep moving forward through the week. I've used this system in the past, and it has worked well. I haven't done it since being unemployed, but I think that was a mistake. Hopefully doing it now will help me get back on track.

I feel bloated today, and I know I've gained some weight this past week since I've been home. Although I'm in the throes of PMS, I think it's more than that. So I'm going to add stair-climbing to my walking each day. I couldn't do stair-climbing the weeks I was in Iowa, but I really need to add that back now. I need to take the weight off faster -- and I surely don't need to be putting weight on. I haven't weighed myself; I'll do that tomorrow. But whatever the gain, I need to stop it now before it goes any further and turns out to be another big mountain to conquer.

Today's Tip:
Setbacks and roadblocks happen. That's just a fact of life. What you do about it determines your ultimate success or failure. Hurt feelings? Deal with it the way you need to, then move on. Feeling lost? Figure out why, then do something to change it. Going through a period of weight gain after having lost weight? Do something to start losing again now before you little gain grows to a giant problem. Whatever it is that presents itself as an obstacle can be dealt with. Or not. Your choice. Which way do you want to live your life?

Poop. No really....Poop. Week 32, Day 5

Who am I and what am I doing here? Gawd, I hate being this old and still needing to "find myself". My body is falling apart. I have no job and am having no luck getting new clients. And I feel like my dreams are evaporating in front of my eyes. I've been home a week, and it hasn't been a good one. It gets better, though, right?

We had friends over on Wednesday, and I got pizza for us for dinner. Chicken pizza from Dominos. I thought if I was going to eat something less than perfect for a diet, then at least chicken was a good choice. Wrong. My "luck" being what it is, I bit into a stray bone and it broke a tooth on the "good" side of my mouth. Who breaks a tooth on pizza? Pizza? Really? I didn't hear from Dominos until late Friday afternoon, and their insurance company tells me that it is the responsibility of the food supplier, who will get in touch with me "in a few days". I don't know what that means. I suspect that means they are passing the buck and I'll have to get an attorney. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm so stinkin' screwed I can hardly believe it.

I swallowed the offending bone, so I had to spend time Thursday retrieving it. I don't think I need to get graphic about just how I had to do that. Suffice it to say it was NOT pleasant. I know myself better than I ever wanted to. At least I have now once and for all with great certainty "eliminated" a couple of particular career paths.

I have spent a sizeable amount of time this past week job hunting. I applied places I would rather eat tin foil than actually work at. But the time has come for drastic measures. And the time has come for me to drop any illusions about actually being able to earn a living anymore as a writer. I did for several years. And I really thought I could continue. It was my dream for most of my life. But I guess the time has come for me to let go of the dream and wake up. I sure wish I could have slept a little while longer. In the meantime, I'm trying very hard to learn how to do website design. Anyone want to teach me the finer points? I have the basics and can alter sites that are already up. I just need to learn how to set one up from scratch. Moving foward...right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot...

I promised Dad that when I came home I would walk each day just as we had done when I was in Iowa. I have done that nearly every day. The only days I didn't was on Friday when I was getting the calls from Dominos and their insurance agents. I needed to have my notes with me and didn't want to carry them with me to the mall. I've tried walking outside, and it's still a bit too hard for me. I walked down to the supermarket with Adam, but there isn't a good place to sit along the way, and I still need to do that. Plus, the pollen count is really high right now. So I think I need to really stick with the mall. I checked into the mall walking program at the mall near us, and there doesn't seem to be one ( I think I mentioned that before), so I just go until I"m really tired. I have the time right now, so I might as well just do the walking and resting thing each time until my legs and feet hurt. No pain, no gain, right? I started working with my weights in the evenings, and this coming week I'll start using my bike again, too. Maybe I can go clothes shopping again. Ah yes, the silver lining again! :) Some goals are still attainable, and I will not give up.

Today's Tip:
When life involves sorting through a lot of crap (sometimes literally), keep moving forward toward the goals you know you can still achieve. Maybe, just maybe you'll find that the others are still achievable, too. It's worth a try.

Little Girl Lost Goes Shopping, Week 31, Day 7

Seven weeks after Dad's surgery, delighted with a happy ending to the story, I'm back home in Omaha again trying to figure out what my new definition of "normal" is. I came home Saturday evening, and I must admit, I'm a bit lost. As happy as I am to be home with Adam, I miss my mom and dad, First Son, Wifey, and Little Man. And I miss being needed. I miss the routine. I had a routine before all this started, but it is no longer adequate because I've changed. So here I am with no routine, Adam is at work all day, so I am alone, and I have no purpose. I am lost. What an odd feeling to be 50 years old and still needing to "find myself".

There are two ways to deal with depressing situations -- chocolate and shopping. Being a good dieter, I opted for shopping. Being unemployed, I had to be very, very selective, but I must say, this was one of the most uplifting shopping trips I've had in ages. When I started this weight loss journey, my clothing size was 24. You know, that's really, really HUGE. Today I am no longer huge. I am fat, but I am not really awful anymore. I am a size (drumroll, please).....16. That being said, I have to admit, though, that shorts do NOT look good on me yet. I tried. And then I laughed at how awful I looked. And then I tried on more reasonable clothes. While I was in Red Oak and had cable TV, I watched a few episodes of What Not to Wear, and I picked up some pointers on how to adjust to going from fat to skinnier. Good thing. It really does take some adjusting. It's okay now to wear clothes that are more form-fitting, for instance. I no longer need to drown myself in layers and loose-fitting clothes to hide the ripples. And a little flounce on top draws attention away from the bottom that is still too big. I loved shopping! And I feel pretty with these two new outfits that are perfect for office wear -- for either a new job or new clients for my consulting business.

Dad promised to keep walking each day, and he wanted me to do the same. He said between 2 o'clock and 3 o'clock each day he would be thinking of me and hoping I was continuing what he and I had started. Bless his heart! I was so much wanting him to persevere and continue the fitness fight, and here he is, encouraging me. I love him so much! And so yesterday and today I have gone out and walked, then checked in with him, comparing notes so we each stay on track. He has a better idea of how much he does since we measured out his steps at the hospital -- yesterday he walked a half a mile, and today he had physical therapy. I, on the other hand, don't have such accurate measurements. I walked about 6 blocks yesterday -- down to Kmart and back. That's much further than I could have gone 7 weeks ago. Before then, I was limited to having to walk at the store with the aid of a cart. Now I can go on my own. Unlike at the hospital with Dad, though, there was no place to sit and rest on the trek to Kmart and back. And there is plenty of pollen to bother my breathing. So I think I need to mostly stick with indoors walking. Today I went to the mall. To my surprise, there isn't a mall walking program there. Not that anyone knew about anyway. And no one knew about the distance estimates around the corridors. So I just walked as much as I could, sitting when I needed to, and stopped when my legs and feet started hurting.

Today's Tip:
You don't have to have cable television (I don't) to get the benefits of TLC's What Not to Wear. Great video tips are located online at: http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/what-not-to-wear-style-tips/

Naughty Weight Fairy, Week 30, Day 7

I completely understand why they say you shouldn't weigh yourself every day. It's discouraging when you have a day that has a weight increase. Today I'm up 3 pounds. Three pounds! How did that happen? I don't get it! Three pounds is a huge increase! All I ate yesterday was some crackers, yogurt, and a 6-oz smoothie. How could three pounds just suddenly appear overnight, especially when all week I've been losing at least a pound a day? Ugh...it's not fair. Not fair at all. The Weight Fairy pooped on my party, and I'm am totally not her friend today.

I drowned my sorrows with some creamed chicken for lunch. I'm still not able to chew anything, and the chicken was in small enough pieces I could swallow it whole. I had some mashed potatoes, too (no gravy, of course). It was nice to have something substantial in my stomach for a change. It's been a couple of weeks since I've actually felt full. I've done some walking today and some leg lifts and squats. It's only mid-afternoon, so I'm sure there will be more I'll do before the day is over. Three pounds gained or not, my slacks are beginning to feel a bit loose, so whatever I'm doing is at least working a little, and I want to keep the momentum going.

Today's Tip:

Obviously, the people who say you shouldn't weigh every day are right. Listen to them! Pick one day a week to weigh in, and then don't give in to the temptation to step on the scales in between times. Trust me -- it really is a morale-buster when you have a day that's not good! Just stick with the once-a-week routine, and remember that slow and steady wins the race.

Stubborn as a Mule, Week 30, Day 6

It has taken tenacity to lose the weight I have, and it will take tenacity and a strong will to stick with it to reach my goals and maintain a healthy weight. But heaven help me if that tenacity slops over into the dang-fool stubbornness I've seen in my family this week. I have no idea how to deal with this, and I'm ready to start slapping people. Really!

Mom won't do her at-home exercises the physical therapy people want her to, and she fell again yesterday. The PT is supposed to make her stronger so she won't fall so much, but she won't do the work to become stronger...so what are we to do? One major bone break and she will end up in a nursing home. But we can't force her to exercise. Dad won't push the issue, and I won't be here much longer. So we're stuck. The best I can do is 1) pray for her, and 2) try to remember this 30 years from now and not worry and frustrate my own kids....and 3) do the hard work now and keep it up for the rest of my life so maybe 30 years from now I won't even have these same issues.

As for Dad, his first time driving to the hospital to do our walking, he takes the EXACT route the doctor told him not to (dr says it's too dangerous for an elderly person). And he balks at the 10am-2pm limits (no school kids or factory workers on the road during those times, thus the safest times for him to drive). We had a BIG argument about it today, complete with my actually having to mention the possibility of removing his driver's license if he was not going to behave himself within the limits presented to him. Was I wrong? Perhaps. Maybe what I should do is let him go ahead and have an accident, pray it's only minor, and then let someone else answer the license question. I don't know. How does a loving daughter respectfully rein in a bit an 81 year old father? It's not an easy question to answer. He's a good driver, a wise man, and a wonderful dad. I hope he knows how much I love him.

So as I seek my own fitness, I am adjusting my goals. I want a hard body, a steel resolve to reach my goals, and a soft, loving heart that does not so closely resemble a MULE. In the meantime, please God, please protect the ones I love so very much. And help me to let go of the things I cannot change.

Today's Tip:
Change the thing you can. The prayer of St. Francis is awesome. It teaches us to let go of the things we can't change. But we often forget that the other part of the prayer is to change the things we can -- and that includes our fitness and weight. We DO have the power to change things. Little by little we CAN do it. Don't worry about what you can't change. But DO make the effort to change what you can!

Vroom, Vroom! Week 30, Day 5

I've lost another pound and a half. I'm not sure where, though. My clothes don't seem looser. Well, my shirts do a bit, but my jeans are still the same size. Never in my life has it EVER been easy to take weight off my butt. My boobs disappear in the blink of an eye, but my rear stays until the bitter end (terrible pun, right?). This has convinced me, once and for all, that life is just plain not fair. But when you get as big as I did, I guess any weight lost is okay, even if it's not all from the places I would have chosen. I just need to stay diligent with the leg lifts and walking.

Speaking of walking...and not walking, I took Dad out driving today for the first time since his surgery on March 1. He did really well. I only had to remind him of a couple of things. It wore him out, but it did a lot to lift his spirits to be back behind the wheel again. When I go back to Omaha, I'll be doing the same with Adam -- he's more than ready to get his driver's license, so I'll be taking him out to teach him to drive. Opposite ends of the age spectrum, and I get to help them both become independent and road-worthy. As a reward, I have a box of hair color for myself to cover the extra grey hairs I've been earning. I'll experiment with that when I get home and things settle down a bit. (They will settle down some day, right?) Pretty new hair color will look great with my new slimmer body, too! Woohoo!

Today's Tip:
Did you ever think of celery as a "power food"? The folks at Eat This, Not That do. It's among six of the power foods they recommend because celery has bone-beneficial silicon and cancer-fighting phenolic acids. But celery and the other power-filled five on the list are under-appreciated. Don't be missing out! Check out the list and explanations at >>>http://menshealth.r.delivery.net/r/c/r?2.1.3MK.2oN.166bcU.HTLVuc..H.Cxw8.1fXK.bW89MQ__DFcAFRN0

Silver Linings, Week 30, Day 3

Another pound and a half gone. At this rate I'm estimating I'm dropping about 10 pounds a week. Maybe more? Of course, this pace won't keep up forever, but I'm embracing the silver lining while it's here before the cloud goes away. The big thing for me right now is to keep up my activity while I'm going through this. It will help me keep whatever fitness I've gained, and it helps me keep my mind off the excruciating tooth pain. Since I'm not eating more than a couple hundred calories a day, I'm feelilng sort of weak. But I'm continuing to walk with Dad at the hospital (he's up to nearly three-quarters of a mile!) and do my leg lifts. I've done some work with my resistance bands, too, though not as much as before. Little by little... Dad's not happy that he's not progressing faster, but like I keep telling him, little by little, he and I both will reach our goals. I figure that by the end of summer, we're both going to be so fit and fabulous that no one will be able to keep us down! :)

Today's Tip:

Not all sugars are the same! Studies continue to show that high-fructose corn syrup is dangerous, and that while table sugar isn't great, it's a better choice than hfcs. This is from an article at Qualityhealth.com:

In 2004, researchers at the University of Louisiana hinted that an increase in
the use of high-fructose corn syrup in the United States since the 1970s
coincides with an increase in obesity rates in this country. Ever since then,
the sweetener has been maligned as one of the most dangerous food ingredients to
come along since refined white sugar.

A Princeton University study published in the March 18, 2010 issue of the journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior showed that rats fed high-fructose corn syrup became obese while rats fed equal amounts of sucrose (table sugar), did not gain extra weight. All other conditions, including total calorie intake, were equal. Lead researcher Bart Hoebel says this may mean that high-fructose corn syrup is more easily converted into fat in the body than table sugar.

Soup's On, Week 30, Day 2

Another 3 pounds gone. I've found that I can eat soup if it's lukewarm and if I drink it through a straw so it bypasses my teeth. So I'm getting some food, but I'm down to about 220 calories a day. Between a much lower caloric intake and walking about a half a mile a day with Dad, plus running errands for the folks, the weight is coming off pretty easily. Not the way I anticipated, and I think it's safe to say this isn't the most ideal way, but at least something good is coming of this.

Today's Tip:
Eating out doesn't have to destroy your diet. Eat This, Not That has a list of the 20 Best Restaurant Foods in America. Surprisingly, the list even includes something from Starbucks: their Perfect Oatmeal with Nut Medley and a Grande Americano. McDonald's Egg McMuffin makes the list, too, because of the 18 grams of protein. Though I question some of their choices from a weight-loss standpoint and certainly from the view of natural foods, their logic is explained, and this brief slideshow is worth a quick look >> http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/slideshow/20-best-restaurant-foods-america?cm_mmc=Yahoo-_-ETNT-_-Worst_Mall_Foods-_-20_Best_Restaurant_Foods_Slideshow

Getting at the Root of Things, Week 29, Day 6

I've lost another 7 pounds, but I've done it the hard way. The tooth I broke a few months ago finally gave out, and by the middle of last week the pain was bad enough I was unable to eat or sleep. A year of being unemployed means I have no money to get it fixed, so I'm pretty well stuck. I went to the community health center on Thursday and got some antibiotics, and I have an appointment for a root canal on May 5, but I have no way to pay for it. They said the cost will be $868. So if by some Internet miracle there is a philanthropist reading this who wants to help out a good-hearted but struggling person, my PayPal account is rabblebabble at hotmail dot com. I am happy to do some PR work or other writing in exchange for the help.

On the bright side of life, I went to Omaha on Sunday to celebrate Easter with Adam. I've missed him terribly, and it was great to spend the day with him. We went out to eat (I had a few bites of pasta --thank goodness the antibiotics had been working for a couple of days!), and then to a movie. One of the remarkable things about going to the movie is that I used to have a real big problem going to the theater, and this time I most certainly didn't. I used to have to find a parking spot as close to the enttrance as possible, then walk slowly, leaning on Adam all the way and sometimes having to stop midway to rest, then once inside, having to stop more along the hallway to the auditorium. This time, however, I didn't hesitate to take the first partking spot that came along -- which happened to be fairly far from the entrance, then I walked in and all the way to the auditorium -- which was the farthest one from the door, all without having to stop even once to rest. It was awesome -- I've made so much progress! After the movie, we went to Walmart to do some shopping, and I walked a bunch more -- and I wasn't even a bit tired!

Dad and I have been walking fairly regularly at the hospital, and he promises that once I move back over to Omaha, he will continue to keep walking on his own. He still has a ways to go before I can leave, though. He gets very tired after our walks, and he can only do one session a day so far. But I'm so thankful every time we go walking and so proud of him for working so hard to regain his strength! He and Mom are doing physical therapy three times a week at the hospital, too. I know it's terribly hard for them, but I'm so proud of them and so hopeful that this will be a good turning point for them.

It's all been good for me, too. A few months ago my walking had to be done at the grocery store so I could hold on to the cart. Now I walk on my own and carry weights with me. It started when I was carrying bags back and forth when Dad was in the hospital, and I've kept it up since then. Little by little the changes are happening. I have another 50 pounds to go -- a long way -- but I feel confident I can make it.

Today's Tip:
Resistance bands are a good alternative to weights. Mom and Dad have each been given resistance bands by their physical therapists. I broght my resistance bands with me to Iowa. They're affordable, effective, versatile, and very easily portable. I like using my weights at home, but when I can't be there, my resistance bands are a great option. Whether traveling, or to have at the office or other places, consider adding resistance bands to your fitness arsenal.

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings...Week 29, Day 1

I watched Biggest Loser tonight with someone I love dearly. But she hurt my feelings and made me cry. And I don't think she even realized what she did. When the contestants were being weighed in, one of her comments was, "Oh gross!" As I was explaining about Daris, a sweet young fellow who had never had a girlfriend, this young lady I was watching the show with said, "Well, of course not! Look at him!" I told her it was such a shame because Daris is a sweet guy and girls had been missing out on that because they only saw the outside, and it's sad this great guy got himself trapped in a fat body. And she said, "No one is ever trapped in circumstances. They can always do something about it." I quit talking about the show after that and changed the subject. When she left and my dad and I were talking about it later, I tried to be all grown up and well-adjusted about it, but I hurt too much. I cried. Only for a little bit. But I couldn't help but let a little of the hurt out.

I still love this person I watched the show with, of course. She's just young and has not experienced enough in life to readjust her ability to assess more deeply. But now I know what she thinks when she looks at me. I know it's not a lot different than what many think when they look at me. It's probably why it's been years since anyone has asked me out on a date. It has probably hurt me in my job hunt. I wonder if I would have been laid off last year if I had been thin. My boss was really skinny -- did she see me the same way the young lady tonight sees fat people and decide to move me to the top of the list of people to cut from the payroll? People online like me, but they haven't seen me. People who knew me years ago still like me, but they haven't seen me as a fat person. Will I only have value again when I'm either thin or invisible?

I'm feeling very sad and conflicted tonight. I'm sad because my relationship with this young lady has been damaged. Yes, I still love her, and I forgive her. She has many qualities that are absolutely wonderful. But I am hurt that she made such harsh judgments. I am sad, too, because I have always felt insecure about my appearance, even when I was thin. Now I'm feeling fat and ugly. And I know that's not the right way to think, but it's honestly how I feel right now and I can't help it. Some days I feel pretty, but today isn't one of them.

On the other hand, I want to stay focused and positive. I want to keep moving forward, and I want to get thin because it's healthy, not because I'm doing it to gain some sort of favor or acceptance from anyone else. I'm doing it for ME, and I want to keep doing it for me. I want to do it so I am stronger and more fit and can live a healthy, happy life for as long as possible. Outward beauty fades, whether you're thin or fat, so I can't do this just for that. And doing it to get others to like me is wrong, because if they don't like me because of my personality, faith, and values, then I don't want them for friends anyway. So I have to stay focused on good positive reasons why I'm doing this. And I KNOW I can do this. I'm stronger already. Little by little I've already lost a lot of weight, and little by little I'm going to lose more and get even stronger.

But today I'm feeling sad...and not so very strong. :(

Plus, Plus, Minus --Week 28, Day 7

Today was the day for stepping up the pace. This whole past month of traipsing around various hospitals, I haven't been wearing the new fitness shoes Adam bought me for Christmas. It seemed like an unnecessary stress at a time when I had enough stresses. But today I added them back to my walking routine. Plus, I started carrying 5 pound weights as I walk. PLUS, Dad and I worked up to a half a mile. All these pluses hopefully will lead more quickly to a bunch of minuses on the scale!

I had cream of wheat for breakfast and a half an onion and garlic bagel for lunch. Mom made dinner. Not so diet-friendly, but very nice of her -- spam, lots of potatoes with butter, and mixed veggies. I'll do extra leg lifts tonight to try to work it off. Choices. Sometimes not being rude is the better choice.

Today's Tip:
Prevention Magazine online is featuring 6 Eating Rules for Faster Weight Loss. Rule Number One is about Fiber:

Eat at least 20 grams of fiber per day from whole grains, fruits, and
vegetables. Fiber helps keep you feeling full longer—a big benefit when
you’re trying to lose weight. A 2009 study from Brigham Young University
College of Health and Human Performance demonstrated that women who ate more
fiber significantly lowered their risk of gaining weight and fat. Each gram
of fiber eaten correlated to 1/2 pound less body weight. The researchers
suspect that the higher fiber intake led to a reduction in total calories
over time.

To read more of the tips, go to Prevention at: http://online.prevention.com/6eatingrules/index.shtml