Okay, I'm really not happy with Mother Nature right now. I don't know why in the middle of November my allergies are still going nuts. And after today, I'm not even sure anymore it's just allergies. I got incredibly tired this afternoon and took a nap. When I woke up, I had a fever. Not a terrible one, but enough to make me feel crappy. Body aches, headache, fatigue. Ugh.
Here's what I've been doing the past couple of weeks to fight it: 2 capsules of echinacea-goldenseal, 2000mg of vitamin C, 2000mg of garlic (odorless, of course), and a multivitamin. Plus, of course, I've been drinking loads of water (Mom taught me well). If anyone knows of anything else to make this crap go away, please let me know. I don't want to cover it, I want it gone.
In all the time I've watched the Biggest Loser show, I've never seen any advice about how to keep the fitness regimen going when a cold or the flu hits. I didn't do any exercising today except about 15 minutes of arm stuff with weights before I got up from my nap. I don't have a lot to burn off, though, because I've only had a sandwich to eat today. I wouldn't have eaten that, but I need food when I take my vitamins. No appetite, though. None. The only benefit I can see to all this cold or flu or whatever, I hope, is that my stomach will shrink and in the long run I won't crave as much to eat.
Today's Tip:
This is from the book The Biggest Loser Fitness Program, page 99. "There is nothing you cannot achieve if you put your mind to it, and this is certainly true when you think about your own body. Before long, you'll create the results you are looking for. You are in charge of your fitness destiny."
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
URGENT NEWS
Looking for a ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity? Liz Young, one of the contestants on the Biggest Loser, asked me to post this about a casting call for a new weight loss show (not Biggest Loser -- this one is on ABC). They're coming THIS SATURDAY to Nashville. If you're within driving distance of Nashville, Tennessee, or if you know someone who is, don't miss this! Liz says she can get VIP passes for you, too. Please help me spread the word!!
SAT. NOV 14th
Casting Call for Weight Loss Show
Buffalo Billiards
154 2nd Ave. N.
Nash. TN. 37201
10:00 AM-4:00 PM
SAT. NOV 14th
Casting Call for Weight Loss Show
Buffalo Billiards
154 2nd Ave. N.
Nash. TN. 37201
10:00 AM-4:00 PM
Week 9, Day 3
I was a good girl today. It's early in the evening, so I still have time to be a VERY good girl. I am having a salad for dinner, watermelon for dessert, and yogurt for a bedtime snack. I've walked for 45 minutes. And I am going to put in another 30 minutes or so doing miscellaneous exercises this evening. WooHoooo!
Today's Tip:
This is something from the book The Biggest Loser Success Secrets (don't forget, it's on sale for only $6.98 at Barnes and Noble!). Jenn Widder is from season five of the show, and she has this advice, "Eating too fast causes you to eat more. I've learned to eat more slowly and drink water with my meals, so that the feeling of satisfaction will register better." Thanks, Jenn! I had heard, too, (and I can't remember where) that sometimes we eat so fast that we don't ever savor the flavor. We eat so quickly that we hardly even realize we've eaten! In addition to overeating, eating too fast leads to digestive issues. I've made real efforts to try to slow down and appreciate the feel of the food in my mouth, both the flavors and textures, and to make sure it's all really chewed thoroughly before swallowing. Which I intend to go do now ... bon apetit!
Today's Tip:
This is something from the book The Biggest Loser Success Secrets (don't forget, it's on sale for only $6.98 at Barnes and Noble!). Jenn Widder is from season five of the show, and she has this advice, "Eating too fast causes you to eat more. I've learned to eat more slowly and drink water with my meals, so that the feeling of satisfaction will register better." Thanks, Jenn! I had heard, too, (and I can't remember where) that sometimes we eat so fast that we don't ever savor the flavor. We eat so quickly that we hardly even realize we've eaten! In addition to overeating, eating too fast leads to digestive issues. I've made real efforts to try to slow down and appreciate the feel of the food in my mouth, both the flavors and textures, and to make sure it's all really chewed thoroughly before swallowing. Which I intend to go do now ... bon apetit!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Week 9, Day 2, Part 2
What a great day! I felt so energized all day after last night's Biggest Loser episode and with all the great support I've gotten this past week! I'm still huge, but I'm beginning to feel like a skinny woman, like a butterfly emerging slowly from a fat cocoon. I don't know how to explain it better. I didn't feel this way the last time I lost weight, and I think that's why I put some of it back on. Back then, I still felt like a fat person on their way to being thin. I "owned" the fat because it was a part of me. But this time I feel like a skinny person. That's not to say I feel skinny. Quite the contrary. Of course, I'm still very overweight! But I am feeling the presence of a new me underneath the fat. Almost like the fat doesn't even belong to me anymore, and I'm just trying really hard to get rid of the nasty stuff.
I've worked hard today -- hard for me. I spent 15 minutes doing arm work, 10 minutes doing calf raises, and 45 minutes walking. I'm still feeling the effects of this cold or allergies (I think it's actually allergies since it's stuck with me so long), so my breathing is still labored. But that just means I had to stop a couple of times when I walked so I could catch my breath. I'm not sure, but I can't help but think that losing weight will help my asthma. Surely these past few years of my asthma getting worse and worse can't all be part of the aging process. I never had to go to the hospital with it until I got fat. We'll see...but I'm hopeful!
Adam and I went to Jason's Deli tonight. I had a tuna salad sandwich with lettuce, six baked chips, and a small ice milk/cream cone. I was glad the tuna salad seemed to have only a teeny bit of mayo on it...if any, and just a few egg bits. I would have like a bit of celery in it, too. But I can add that when I make it at home. And I was a good girl...even though it was on multi-grain bread, I took the tops off and only ate the bottom slice. The ice cream cone is made with ice milk, so it had fewer calories. But it was still too much. I was way too full when dinner was over. So next time, new rule -- no desserts AT ALL when we eat out. If I need something sweet-tasting, I'll have yogurt at home. :)
Today's Tip:
We also went to Barnes and Noble this evening. And I saw in their bargain section some of the Biggest Loser books. All of them only $6.98! I got The Biggest Loser Success Secrets. Wow! VERY amazing book! I bought an extra copy for my sister for Christmas. When I got home, I could hardly put the thing down long enough to post this! If you can get a copy, you'll love it. Either way, I'll post some of the wisdom from it in coming days here in the Today's Tip section of each day's post. :)
I hope your day was great! And if you're a veteran, I hope your day was extra-special!
I've worked hard today -- hard for me. I spent 15 minutes doing arm work, 10 minutes doing calf raises, and 45 minutes walking. I'm still feeling the effects of this cold or allergies (I think it's actually allergies since it's stuck with me so long), so my breathing is still labored. But that just means I had to stop a couple of times when I walked so I could catch my breath. I'm not sure, but I can't help but think that losing weight will help my asthma. Surely these past few years of my asthma getting worse and worse can't all be part of the aging process. I never had to go to the hospital with it until I got fat. We'll see...but I'm hopeful!
Adam and I went to Jason's Deli tonight. I had a tuna salad sandwich with lettuce, six baked chips, and a small ice milk/cream cone. I was glad the tuna salad seemed to have only a teeny bit of mayo on it...if any, and just a few egg bits. I would have like a bit of celery in it, too. But I can add that when I make it at home. And I was a good girl...even though it was on multi-grain bread, I took the tops off and only ate the bottom slice. The ice cream cone is made with ice milk, so it had fewer calories. But it was still too much. I was way too full when dinner was over. So next time, new rule -- no desserts AT ALL when we eat out. If I need something sweet-tasting, I'll have yogurt at home. :)
Today's Tip:
We also went to Barnes and Noble this evening. And I saw in their bargain section some of the Biggest Loser books. All of them only $6.98! I got The Biggest Loser Success Secrets. Wow! VERY amazing book! I bought an extra copy for my sister for Christmas. When I got home, I could hardly put the thing down long enough to post this! If you can get a copy, you'll love it. Either way, I'll post some of the wisdom from it in coming days here in the Today's Tip section of each day's post. :)
I hope your day was great! And if you're a veteran, I hope your day was extra-special!
Week 9, Day 2 Part 1
I'm going to write another entry this evening after I've gotten a little bit more accomplished today, but I had to share this with you. In one of the earliest posts here on A New Suit, right after the first episode of the Biggest Loser, I was trying to figure out who I was going to root for this season. I mentioned Liz, the 49 year old grandma, because that's what I am too and she was starting out at about the same weight as I am. Well, I got the sweetest note from Liz today. As many fans as she has and as busy as I'm sure she is with the finale of the show coming up in just a few weeks, I was touched that she would take the time to share this-- "As I have found out , That is really what the show is all about....paying it forward.....I have done it now I need to find a way to help others......YOU CAN DO IT". My friends make me cry tears of gratitude nearly every day, but I also find it quite remarkable when a stranger reaches out. Thanks, Liz! And thanks to each one of my peeps who is lifting me up and moving me forward in the journey!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Week 9, Day 1
Ha! 'Bout time I get off that stinkin' plateau! Tonight I am three pounds away from a 20 pound loss. Not quite the big numbers the folks on the Biggest Loser show have gotten, but I'm not spending 6 hours a day in the gym. I'm going to work really hard this week and see if I can get those three pounds gone and actually hit the 20 pound mark. Then I'm aiming for an extra 10 pounds before Christmas.
Tonight's tip:
Actually a bit of inspiration from Shay Sorrells, a contestant on the show..."You can get your life back. You can live instead of die." Great words. Wise words. She came to the Biggest Loser ranch weighing 476 pounds. Tonight, after only nine weeks, she left the ranch weighing 376 pounds. Danny Cahill, another of the contestants, has been talking the past couple of weeks about getting his old self back, too, finding his fire again. And that's what is needed -- making the choice to live and finding the fire that propels us forward.
Let's see...two chicken and fat-free cheese sandwiches and a chicken taco with lettuce and a few cheese sprinkles. I think I'll have a yogurt later on. Exercise...about 30 minutes of walking and 20 minutes on my bike.
Tonight's tip:
Actually a bit of inspiration from Shay Sorrells, a contestant on the show..."You can get your life back. You can live instead of die." Great words. Wise words. She came to the Biggest Loser ranch weighing 476 pounds. Tonight, after only nine weeks, she left the ranch weighing 376 pounds. Danny Cahill, another of the contestants, has been talking the past couple of weeks about getting his old self back, too, finding his fire again. And that's what is needed -- making the choice to live and finding the fire that propels us forward.
Let's see...two chicken and fat-free cheese sandwiches and a chicken taco with lettuce and a few cheese sprinkles. I think I'll have a yogurt later on. Exercise...about 30 minutes of walking and 20 minutes on my bike.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Week 8, Day 7
A wise friend of mine suggested that once in awhile I should get myself a treat for the hard work I'm putting in on this weight loss journey. I was walking around at the mall with Adam tonight and came across something I really liked, so I took the advice of my friend and splurged a bit. And it's sole purpose is to make me a bit prettier.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a girlie-girl. Never have been, and most likely never will be. I am, however, a sucker for a good salesperson. A very sweet woman approached me from one of those kiosks the malls get so many of around the holidays. She asked me a simple question about whether or not I ever get my nails done. About 15 minutes later I walked away with a collection of nail care products. Why? Because the demo she did on my nails made me feel completely pretty.
All that said, if you ever encountered a similar salesperson selling the same products at your mall, fear not. I did NOT spend the $80 originally quoted for this miracle nail care collection. No sirree. I kept saying no until the price came down to $30, then came home and found it on Amazon for $25. Even though I paid a tad bit more at the mall, I'm glad I bought it there instead of Amazon. I really liked the salesperson.
So why am I sharing all this here? Because 1) I think it truly is important to celebrate along the way when doing something as difficult as losing weight, and 2) I just feel so good about taking care of myself -- even if it is just my nails. I thought about it and it's been years since I bothered taking care of my nails beyond just trimming them. Not a big deal, except I think that's just a symptom of my generally not taking care of ANY part of me. Ergo, weight gain. But ... those days are gone, and a whole new me is emerging. :)
I ate a chicken and cheese sandwich, an incredibly small burger, and I'll have a yogurt later on. I did some walking with Adam and will do some weight work on my arms. Then it's off to bed -- either I still have a cold or my allergies are running rampant, I can't tell which. Either way, I need rest!
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a girlie-girl. Never have been, and most likely never will be. I am, however, a sucker for a good salesperson. A very sweet woman approached me from one of those kiosks the malls get so many of around the holidays. She asked me a simple question about whether or not I ever get my nails done. About 15 minutes later I walked away with a collection of nail care products. Why? Because the demo she did on my nails made me feel completely pretty.
All that said, if you ever encountered a similar salesperson selling the same products at your mall, fear not. I did NOT spend the $80 originally quoted for this miracle nail care collection. No sirree. I kept saying no until the price came down to $30, then came home and found it on Amazon for $25. Even though I paid a tad bit more at the mall, I'm glad I bought it there instead of Amazon. I really liked the salesperson.
So why am I sharing all this here? Because 1) I think it truly is important to celebrate along the way when doing something as difficult as losing weight, and 2) I just feel so good about taking care of myself -- even if it is just my nails. I thought about it and it's been years since I bothered taking care of my nails beyond just trimming them. Not a big deal, except I think that's just a symptom of my generally not taking care of ANY part of me. Ergo, weight gain. But ... those days are gone, and a whole new me is emerging. :)
I ate a chicken and cheese sandwich, an incredibly small burger, and I'll have a yogurt later on. I did some walking with Adam and will do some weight work on my arms. Then it's off to bed -- either I still have a cold or my allergies are running rampant, I can't tell which. Either way, I need rest!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Week 8, Day 6
I think it's really important that anyone on a diet have good resources for information and encouragement. So I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of the resources I find useful.
ONLINE:
I'm a huge fan of Health.com. Their "mind over fatter" section is particularly helpful, but the whole site has great information, diet tips, success stories, and so much more.
Here is a great website for calculating calorie burn during exercise and daily activities: http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc/">Health Status.com It lets you calculate them on a per-minute basis and enter times for several activities before submitting. So, for instance, let's say you did an hour of leaf raking, a half hour of watching television, fifteen minutes talking on the phone, fifteen minutes washing dishes, ten minutes showering, and a half hour of housework. You type in the various times spent next to the appropriate activity, put your weight in the appropriate field, and hit "submit". It calculates that you burned 899 calories. There are a lot of ads on the site, though. Just ignore the ads, freebies, and "invitations".
I get a lot of good stuff from the MSN.com weight loss section. They have weight loss tools, videos, daily tips, workouts, and a lot more. Plus, it's all an easy click away from other nutrition and wellness information on the site.
Nubella has a great website and a good newsletter. Their site has articles like "3 Fabulous Foods for Weight Loss", "Top Cereals You Should and Shouldn't Eat", and "6 Drinks That Can Destroy Your Diet". I've gotten their newsletter for a couple of years now and find it very helpful.
BOOKS
My two favorite books, ones I consider essential on this journey, are both from the Biggest Loser. The Biggest Loser Fitness Program is a great all-'round starter book that has fitness tips from the trainers and past contestants, recipes, and a boatload of exercises that ANY person at any level of fitness can do. Some of the exercises can be done anywhere, so even people who spend their days at a desk job can do some exercises on breaks and lunch hour. The other book is The Biggest Loser Cookbook. I have a lot of cookbooks, but this one I feel is "safe". None of the recipes is very complicated, but somehow they taste like they ought to be.
Both of these books are listed here on the left sidebar. I buy a lot from Amazon, especially around Christmas time. They seem to have nearly everything! And I find that their books are nearly always less expensive than Barnes and Noble or Borders. In the interest of full disclosure, I will make a small commission off any purchase you make from Amazon after clicking on a link, whether or not you buy these books. Adam needs a car and wants very much to go to culinary school. Any commissions I make will go to his school fund. If you would like to help, please think of me each time you want to purchase something from Amazon and enter their site via the links here.
One of the readers of A New Suit recommended "You Can't Make Me Angry", by Dr. Paul O. She says it deals with co-dependence and addiction, which of course is often at the root of overeating and wrong-eating. I haven't read it yet, but I look forward to it.
YOUR TURN
So what resources do YOU have that you find most helpful? Share them with me either here or on my Facebook wall, and I'll pass them along here in a later post.
And now for the daily log: two chicken and fat-free cheese sandwiches, a plate of seasoned veggies, a cup of yogurt, and an ice cream sandwich by The Skinny Cow. My back hurts, so I didn't do any walking or biking. But I did a lot of weight work with my arms. Now...on to tomorrow!
ONLINE:
I'm a huge fan of Health.com. Their "mind over fatter" section is particularly helpful, but the whole site has great information, diet tips, success stories, and so much more.
Here is a great website for calculating calorie burn during exercise and daily activities: http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc/">Health Status.com It lets you calculate them on a per-minute basis and enter times for several activities before submitting. So, for instance, let's say you did an hour of leaf raking, a half hour of watching television, fifteen minutes talking on the phone, fifteen minutes washing dishes, ten minutes showering, and a half hour of housework. You type in the various times spent next to the appropriate activity, put your weight in the appropriate field, and hit "submit". It calculates that you burned 899 calories. There are a lot of ads on the site, though. Just ignore the ads, freebies, and "invitations".
I get a lot of good stuff from the MSN.com weight loss section. They have weight loss tools, videos, daily tips, workouts, and a lot more. Plus, it's all an easy click away from other nutrition and wellness information on the site.
Nubella has a great website and a good newsletter. Their site has articles like "3 Fabulous Foods for Weight Loss", "Top Cereals You Should and Shouldn't Eat", and "6 Drinks That Can Destroy Your Diet". I've gotten their newsletter for a couple of years now and find it very helpful.
BOOKS
My two favorite books, ones I consider essential on this journey, are both from the Biggest Loser. The Biggest Loser Fitness Program is a great all-'round starter book that has fitness tips from the trainers and past contestants, recipes, and a boatload of exercises that ANY person at any level of fitness can do. Some of the exercises can be done anywhere, so even people who spend their days at a desk job can do some exercises on breaks and lunch hour. The other book is The Biggest Loser Cookbook. I have a lot of cookbooks, but this one I feel is "safe". None of the recipes is very complicated, but somehow they taste like they ought to be.
Both of these books are listed here on the left sidebar. I buy a lot from Amazon, especially around Christmas time. They seem to have nearly everything! And I find that their books are nearly always less expensive than Barnes and Noble or Borders. In the interest of full disclosure, I will make a small commission off any purchase you make from Amazon after clicking on a link, whether or not you buy these books. Adam needs a car and wants very much to go to culinary school. Any commissions I make will go to his school fund. If you would like to help, please think of me each time you want to purchase something from Amazon and enter their site via the links here.
One of the readers of A New Suit recommended "You Can't Make Me Angry", by Dr. Paul O. She says it deals with co-dependence and addiction, which of course is often at the root of overeating and wrong-eating. I haven't read it yet, but I look forward to it.
YOUR TURN
So what resources do YOU have that you find most helpful? Share them with me either here or on my Facebook wall, and I'll pass them along here in a later post.
And now for the daily log: two chicken and fat-free cheese sandwiches, a plate of seasoned veggies, a cup of yogurt, and an ice cream sandwich by The Skinny Cow. My back hurts, so I didn't do any walking or biking. But I did a lot of weight work with my arms. Now...on to tomorrow!
Week 8, Day 5
I've spent several hours today trying to sort out my feelings and put together what I want to say. The past 24 hours have brought up some very painful memories and some very happy moments. And I'm having a hard time knowing what to do with it all. I wonder, too, if other people ever feel the way I do.
The honest truth is that I've spent most of my life feeling less than worthy to be here. I can pretty well pinpoint when it began. At seven years old, I was diagnosed with scoliosis and fitted for a huge, clumsy steel and leather back brace that made me look like Frankenstein's daughter and cost my parents a fortune. When I was nine years old my grandmother's husband, Dean, began to molest me. Somehow he convinced me I was a bad person and would be in trouble if anyone ever found out. When my dad walked in on what was happening, he spanked me. Dean was right. Clearly, I was a bad girl. When I was twelve, my brother Bill died. This was before things like grief counseling, so our family dealt with it by never talking about our feelings. Bill was elevated to a position in our collective memory--at least in my parent's memories-- as nearly a diety. And I could never measure up. Never smart enough. Never as pretty as my older sister. Never capable enough to help in the family business. Never well enough behaved to be any comfort. Handicapped and a molested bad girl, I wished to God I had been the one taken instead of Bill.
And those are the feelings that went with me into my adulthood. Treated badly by the men I loved, scared every day that what I was doing wasn't right enough or good enough, and certain that if my friends ever knew the true me, they would be disgusted. And the sad part is that a lot of that I still have inside me.
I don't know how much all this plays into my being fat. I feel ashamed that I let myself get this way. But I don't know which came first, the fat or the shame. Did I do this to myself on purpose but subconsciously? Perhaps. Being on prednisone for years certainly helped pack on the pounds, though. The intensity of raising two boys on my own, along with Adam's medical care, added to some stress-induced chocolate binges without having time or energy to work any of it off. But on the other hand, those were my strongest days. I was a warrior, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It wasn't until I had no one to take care of but myself that I got really huge. I remember months of not being able to function. I've had days when I wanted to leave this earth. I've been in the hospital with health issues. I've lost two jobs since we moved to Omaha. And I haven't had a date in 14 years. Who wants to be around a fat, middle-aged, unemployed woman when there are pretty, skinny, capable women out there?
On the other hand, the response I've gotten since beginning this blog has been tremendous. Friends I went to high school with, friends I had in Maryland, friends I've met here in Omaha -- all of them have been so kind and encouraging. They see what I look like as a fat person. Many of them know the worst about me and have for years. And yet somehow they love me just the way I am today. They believe in me. They want me in their lives. Can you imagine that?
It was yesterday's overwhelming comments about November 6th Day that stopped me in my tracks and left me really thinking today. I don't deserve any of it. Really I don't. I look in the mirror and I still see an unworthy person. But I looked at my resume today, and I know I am a competent person. I've had two books published. I've written tons of articles. I get awesome results for my clients. I've been on boards of directors and have run a non-profit organization. I've spoken at National Children's Hospital and at press conferences for Senators Kennedy and Grassley. I am a competent, accomplished professional. But...at work no one has to see inside me. No one has to know the scared, handicapped, bad little girl who still lives inside.
So where does all this leave me with my weight loss hopes and goals? The bottom line is I think I might be okay. I think there are people who care about me so much that they would feel sad if I fatted myself to death. I think maybe it's okay for me to take care of me with the same fierceness I had when I took care of my kids. I think maybe I'm far from perfect, but I'm still worth the effort. I think I'm going to keep trying.
And I think I'm the most blessed person ever to have such wonderful people in my life.
The honest truth is that I've spent most of my life feeling less than worthy to be here. I can pretty well pinpoint when it began. At seven years old, I was diagnosed with scoliosis and fitted for a huge, clumsy steel and leather back brace that made me look like Frankenstein's daughter and cost my parents a fortune. When I was nine years old my grandmother's husband, Dean, began to molest me. Somehow he convinced me I was a bad person and would be in trouble if anyone ever found out. When my dad walked in on what was happening, he spanked me. Dean was right. Clearly, I was a bad girl. When I was twelve, my brother Bill died. This was before things like grief counseling, so our family dealt with it by never talking about our feelings. Bill was elevated to a position in our collective memory--at least in my parent's memories-- as nearly a diety. And I could never measure up. Never smart enough. Never as pretty as my older sister. Never capable enough to help in the family business. Never well enough behaved to be any comfort. Handicapped and a molested bad girl, I wished to God I had been the one taken instead of Bill.
And those are the feelings that went with me into my adulthood. Treated badly by the men I loved, scared every day that what I was doing wasn't right enough or good enough, and certain that if my friends ever knew the true me, they would be disgusted. And the sad part is that a lot of that I still have inside me.
I don't know how much all this plays into my being fat. I feel ashamed that I let myself get this way. But I don't know which came first, the fat or the shame. Did I do this to myself on purpose but subconsciously? Perhaps. Being on prednisone for years certainly helped pack on the pounds, though. The intensity of raising two boys on my own, along with Adam's medical care, added to some stress-induced chocolate binges without having time or energy to work any of it off. But on the other hand, those were my strongest days. I was a warrior, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It wasn't until I had no one to take care of but myself that I got really huge. I remember months of not being able to function. I've had days when I wanted to leave this earth. I've been in the hospital with health issues. I've lost two jobs since we moved to Omaha. And I haven't had a date in 14 years. Who wants to be around a fat, middle-aged, unemployed woman when there are pretty, skinny, capable women out there?
On the other hand, the response I've gotten since beginning this blog has been tremendous. Friends I went to high school with, friends I had in Maryland, friends I've met here in Omaha -- all of them have been so kind and encouraging. They see what I look like as a fat person. Many of them know the worst about me and have for years. And yet somehow they love me just the way I am today. They believe in me. They want me in their lives. Can you imagine that?
It was yesterday's overwhelming comments about November 6th Day that stopped me in my tracks and left me really thinking today. I don't deserve any of it. Really I don't. I look in the mirror and I still see an unworthy person. But I looked at my resume today, and I know I am a competent person. I've had two books published. I've written tons of articles. I get awesome results for my clients. I've been on boards of directors and have run a non-profit organization. I've spoken at National Children's Hospital and at press conferences for Senators Kennedy and Grassley. I am a competent, accomplished professional. But...at work no one has to see inside me. No one has to know the scared, handicapped, bad little girl who still lives inside.
So where does all this leave me with my weight loss hopes and goals? The bottom line is I think I might be okay. I think there are people who care about me so much that they would feel sad if I fatted myself to death. I think maybe it's okay for me to take care of me with the same fierceness I had when I took care of my kids. I think maybe I'm far from perfect, but I'm still worth the effort. I think I'm going to keep trying.
And I think I'm the most blessed person ever to have such wonderful people in my life.
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