As for the crying jags, I may have a reason or two for that, but I'm doing what I can to rectify the situation. I have been unemployed for a bit over a year. Not a bad thing necessarily, as it has enabled me to do some freelance writing and work on my "great American novel". However, unemployment insurance has officially run out (don't believe what the newscasters say about Obama's "extensions"), and the job hunt has gone from a selective search for something that will utilize my talents and interests to oh-my-goodness-I'll-take-anything. And it hurts ---a LOT -- to realize that there are many jobs out of my reach simply because I am still not fit enough to stand on my feet long enough or walk far enough to do them.
I am so very grateful that I have spent the past several months making the progress I have. The weight I have lost and the fitness I have gained is something I'm proud of. However, the shape I allowed myself to get into to begin with is something I'm ashamed of and something I hate myself for now that I am unable to qualify for some employment simply because I screwed myself up. What a total dummy I was. I should have gotten in shape years ago. Better yet, I should never have gotten out of shape. Once I conquer this thing, I must never, never, EVER do this horrible sin to myself again.
This past week I have vascilated between being so depressed that I don't even want to bother getting up in the morning, much less bothering to go out and walk or ride my bike at home, to being so determined to keep working on this and make all the progress I can before I get stuck behind some desk and don't have this free time to work on my fitness. I cry because I'm sad, I cry because I'm angry, I cry because I'm not sure why I'm crying. Then other times I think about how much progress I've made in the past four months and longer, and how much better I'll feel in the next four months. By the end of summer I'll be doing tons better. A whole year will have gone by since I started this blog, and I'll have lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of ability in the process. Maybe by then I'll have a good job -- not just some grunt work, and maybe I'll even have two jobs and be able to save some money back. So sometimes I feel helpless, and other times I feel empowered. I wish I knew a way to make the empowered feelings stay a bit longer. I'm tired of crying.
Food and exercise report: My tooth had been feeling better, but it is hurting again. My root canal is scheduled for next Wednesday. I have no way to pay for it, but I'm still hopeful. In the meantime, my food intake is extremely limited because it hurts to eat. But each day I'm still trying to get at least the same amount of walking done that Dad and I did when I was staying with the folks in Iowa. I don't always go to the mall since it's further from my home and takes more gas to get there. Sometimes I go to Walmart. And in the last couple of days instead of using a cart to walk with like I used to, I've started just walking on my own. The problem with Walmart is that there is no place for me to sit down along the way. The only place to sit is at the front up past the check outs. I like the mall walking since there are places to sit all along the way. So each place has a trade off. Another thing to consider about walking at Walmart is if I go with a cart, I can walk for a much longer time -- about an hour of just plain walking at a regular clip with no sitting. If I go without a cart, I can only do one lap completely around the store before I need to go find a seat.
Today's Tip:
According to QualityHealth.com, some junk food is actually good for you. Yup...I was surprised, too! The article, located here:
https://www.qualityhealth.com/featuredArticleSegmentSubmit
says the following foods that are commonly thought of as junk can help our health:
- Natural Beef Jerky. Beef jerky is high in protein, and an ideal between-meals snack. While some beef-jerky brands are packed with high-sodium ingredients, such as MSG and sodium nitrate, there are chemical-free beef jerky products available. Choose beef jerky with all-natural ingredients--no preservatives and made from lean, grass-fed beef. Research shows that, unlike grain-fed products,
grass-fed beef contains the same healthy omega-3 fats found in
fish.
- Pinot Noir. Pinot Noir contains more disease-fighting antioxidants than any other type of alcoholic beverage. The antioxidants in pinot noir have been shown to reduce
the risk of heart disease, certain cancers and slow the progression of neurological degenerative disorders like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Disease. For non-drinkers, grape juice or even red grapes can be as effective.- Popcorn. This popular junk food conjures up the image of a
gigantic bucket of movie theater popcorn soaked in artificial butter and swimming in trans fat. It's true that popcorn served in this way is not good for you. But popcorn served au natural--without the added butter and overlay of salt--is good for you. A little known fact about popcorn is that it is actually a whole grain food and a source of fiber. Another good for you tip--popcorn
carbs will induce your body to create serotonin, a neurochemical that makes you feel relaxed. Just make sure not to overdo it.Note: The foods that are best for you are the ones that are in a state closest to their natural source. In other words, not processed. If you reach for the junk food, remember to eat
small portions. Junk food can be a part of a healthy diet if eaten in moderation.
Questions I need your help with: Any thoughts on which way is best for gaining strength and endurance the quickest: walking for an hour at Walmart (or any store) with a cart to help support me, or walking a shorter distance and shorter time, but with no cart? And any advice about how to make my back stronger so it doesn't cramp? When it cramps, it squeezes the muscles in my left leg and the whole leg goes to sleep -- that's a major limiting factor in my walking and standing at a job. When thinking about this one, keep in mind my back has been fused and has a metal rod along the spine.
Thanks! I look forward to your help with these questions!
