When I started this, I intended to do a blog posting each day. But I skipped writing yesterday. I skipped doing anything at all yesterday except sleep and eat a sandwich. I'm really tired of hurting. I hope I don't have anymore days when it just plain hurts too bad to stay awake.
Today was better. It still took me a couple of hours to get past the pain, but at least I made it downstairs where I waited for the second wave of muscle cramps to stop before getting ready to "start" the day. Got some errands run and met with a friend for dinner. Nothing in the way of exercise other than just being up and around doing normal stuff and a little bit of time on the bike. I hurt tonight, but it's mostly soreness I think is caused by the weather changing do drastically. Snow in the Big O tomorrow. (What happened to autumn?)
With snow tomorrow, I think it will be a good day to make another batch of soup. Chicken this time. Adam has a non-date ("we're just friends"), so I'll be alone. But there will be plenty left over for him to have on Sunday. The chicken is in a big family-pack, so while the soup is simmering, I'll bake the remaining chicken that wasn't used in the soup. That way I'll have healthy dinners practically already made for the coming week --one of the "tips" they always give on the Biggest Loser.
Sounds like a plan!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Week 4, Day 2
Men have it so much easier when they're on diets. No hormones to battle with. I'm bloated, my back hurts, I'm tired, I cry for no reason and feel like life itself it ending, and I would kill to be able to eat a bag of dark chocolate Dove thingies. Thank goodness I've been at this female stuff long enough to know in a few days I'll be better. In the meantime, the diet is really, REALLY hard.
I walked for 15 minutes, ate an egg sandwich, four bites of custard, and a chef salad with a tablespoon of raspberry vinaigrette dressing (and no croutons). Did I work off the food I ate? Probably not. Did I avoid the candy aisle while I was walking at the grocery store? Definitely. Small victories. But I'll take them.
I walked for 15 minutes, ate an egg sandwich, four bites of custard, and a chef salad with a tablespoon of raspberry vinaigrette dressing (and no croutons). Did I work off the food I ate? Probably not. Did I avoid the candy aisle while I was walking at the grocery store? Definitely. Small victories. But I'll take them.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Week 4, Day 1
Crap. A one pound gain this week. My trouser legs are getting looser, so I don't understand how I could have gained a pound. With painful spasms so bad that sometimes I just drop to the floor in tears and unable to move, I'm not sure how I'm going to put in more time exercising. But clearly I've got to find a way. Crap, crap, crap. I thought I'd been doing well. Watching what I eat, biking and walking more than I had been...even when it hurt. But here I am a pound heavier than I was last week. And to top it off, as I sat here writing this, a gnat flew up my nose.
I want a chocolate eclair. :(
I want a chocolate eclair. :(
Monday, October 5, 2009
Week 3, Day 7
I doubted myself last night. The soup was simple to make, of course. But as the meat was simmering, it smelled like an old dirty dog. I did NOT have great hopes for what the finished meal would taste like. But after the soup had been on the stove for a few hours and by the time Adam got home from work, the house was smelling marvelous, and the soup tasted delicious. No hint of icky dog! We each had two bowls of it, and there was enough left over for likewise tonight.
I should have been walking and biking today since it's the last day before the weigh in tomorrow. But I just didn't have it in me. I've been completely worn out all day and feel bloated and icky. I sneaked a look at the scales, and it's not looking good. And that, of course, only makes me feel depressed on top of being worn out. Not one of my favorite days.
Today I've eaten a chicken and fat-free cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread, a bowl of soup, and a container of yogurt. Maybe more than I should have eaten since I haven't done anything to work it off. I don't know. I've heard that you shouldn't eat too little or your body will start hoarding fat. But I've also heard that to lose weight, you should only eat no more than what you can burn off. I'll figure it out another day.
Thank goodness tomorrow isn't Monday.
ADDENDUM: After posting this, I got a lovely call from my friend Bonnie. She and I have been friends since we were teenagers. I'm so fortunate to have friends who have been a part of my life for such a long time! I feel very blessed. We talked for a couple of hours and probably could have gone on for longer. At the end of the conversation, she gave me such a wonderful pep talk about my quest for a New Suit. She loves me and believes in me, and I know there are others who do, too. What a great way to turn around a day that seemed so depressing!
God bless my friends, each and every one, new and long-time and those I haven't even met yet. Bonnie, Charlotte, Susan, Beth, Ann Marie, Hunter, Sharon, Rae, Chessly, Bridget, Carolyn, Mindy and so many more not listed here -- you've all offered me such wonderful encouragement, helpful suggestions, and unconditional love as I work toward a healthier and more fit me. I love and appreciate you all so very much! It is because of you and my family that my life has been richer, fuller, and more beautiful than anyone even has a right to hope for.
Thanks for calling, Bonnie. :)
I should have been walking and biking today since it's the last day before the weigh in tomorrow. But I just didn't have it in me. I've been completely worn out all day and feel bloated and icky. I sneaked a look at the scales, and it's not looking good. And that, of course, only makes me feel depressed on top of being worn out. Not one of my favorite days.
Today I've eaten a chicken and fat-free cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread, a bowl of soup, and a container of yogurt. Maybe more than I should have eaten since I haven't done anything to work it off. I don't know. I've heard that you shouldn't eat too little or your body will start hoarding fat. But I've also heard that to lose weight, you should only eat no more than what you can burn off. I'll figure it out another day.
Thank goodness tomorrow isn't Monday.
ADDENDUM: After posting this, I got a lovely call from my friend Bonnie. She and I have been friends since we were teenagers. I'm so fortunate to have friends who have been a part of my life for such a long time! I feel very blessed. We talked for a couple of hours and probably could have gone on for longer. At the end of the conversation, she gave me such a wonderful pep talk about my quest for a New Suit. She loves me and believes in me, and I know there are others who do, too. What a great way to turn around a day that seemed so depressing!
God bless my friends, each and every one, new and long-time and those I haven't even met yet. Bonnie, Charlotte, Susan, Beth, Ann Marie, Hunter, Sharon, Rae, Chessly, Bridget, Carolyn, Mindy and so many more not listed here -- you've all offered me such wonderful encouragement, helpful suggestions, and unconditional love as I work toward a healthier and more fit me. I love and appreciate you all so very much! It is because of you and my family that my life has been richer, fuller, and more beautiful than anyone even has a right to hope for.
Thanks for calling, Bonnie. :)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Week 3, Day 6
I just got back from a brisk 30-minute walk up and down the aisles at the supermarket (brisk for me -- still not what a "normal" person would consider lively at all, but I'm not giving up just because I'm slow right now). Got a bunch of green onions to put in the soup and a couple of bananas (that will NOT go in the soup!).
The only sections I purposely avoided were the bakery and the soda and chips area. But it was pretty easy to avoid them. After my yummy splurge last night, I wasn't craving anything sweet. Even the candy bars at the checkout line didn't tempt me. So now I'm pretty well convinced that allowing myself a splurge once a week will actually help me instead of being a stumbling block.
So now the beef is simmering in a mixture of water, onions, garlic, salt, and bouillon. I'll let that stay on the stove on low heat for a few hours, then add the veggies and remaining water closer to the end of the process. At the very end, I'll toss in a couple of hands of noodles. Then voila, 8 quarts of soup for dinner tonight and lunches this coming week.
It's all so simple to make. I don't know why I got out of the habit of making soups and instead into the habit of just grabbing a quick burger at Sonic. I guess that's how the weight creeps on -- before you notice, bad habits sneak in and like a snowball at top of the hill, but the time things have gone noticeably downhill, you realize you butt is huge and you can't hardly move anymore.
I had more than simple bad habits working against me, though. Here's a bit of my story:
Years of taking prednisone because of my asthma put about a hundred pounds on. I remember watching the first 20 pounds come on in the first month and being appalled, not only at the weight but at the speed at which it arrived. But the prednisone made it so I could breathe, so I figured a few extra pounds weren't all that bad. I was wrong, of course.
Then when Adam was going through so much surgery and so many months, day after day, of grueling physical therapy, I kept my sanity by medicating myself with chocolate. What he went through breaks some moms -- I've seen it happen. But not me. I held on and held the torch to light the way as I helped others make their way through it all, too. I blogged, I sat with families during their child's surgeries, I spent hours answering questions by email. I went to DC and lobbied for health care legislative change for families with special needs children. The Family Opportunity Act, passed in 2006, was inspired by our family. I spoke at seminars at National Childrens Hospital, teaching parents with special needs kids how to advocate for their children. And I worked full-time, homeschooled my kids, and raised my boys as a single parent.
I was described as a "dynamo" and a "tower of strength". But the truth was far different. I was scared and weak. I knew if I slowed down or thought about it all too long, I would simply sit down, start crying, and never get up again. If it hadn't been for the love of friends, the support of my mom and dad (Mom came out to Maryland for all the major surgeries and stayed for about a month each time), a great job, and a wonderful church family, then not even chocolate could have helped. I wouldn't have made it and couldn't have faked those more noble qualities as well as I did. But still...scared and weak made chocolate a necessity. And over time that made my butt big.
Once Adam's medical needs were essentially over, I didn't fare well. After seven years working for the same company, the job I loved completely fell apart. With a major asthma episode involving broken ribs and an unfortunate 4-day stay in the emergency room of a hospital in Portland, Oregon, my health was messed up. And somehow I had to figure out how to redefine and rebuild my life. Instead, I fell apart. I moved back to the Midwest and lived with my parents for two years. I tried to take the opportunity to lose weight then, but it didn't work. It wasn't until 2005 that I was able to move out on my own and face a new definition of "normal".
But I haven't really felt good since then. I haven't had energy or focus. I hurt more and more, and can move less and less. And I've been ashamed of the way I look. In fact, it's been over 10 years since I've had a mirror in my home. I just haven't been able to stand the sight of the truth.
But one night in Sept 2007 I was flipping TV channels when I came across the Biggest Loser show. It was amazing. I saw people who looked just like me -- daring to sow their ripples and rolls and waddles. I saw them struggle to eat right. I saw them work hard to exercise and burn fat while building some muscles. And I started working right along with them. Seven months later I was 60 pounds lighter.
Stresses at work too numerable, weird, and sad to bother discussing here made any thoughts of health and fitness seem almost laughable. Eighteen-hour days with very few breaks during any day made exercise nearly impossible and quick eating of whatever was handy nearly a necessity. Far too many of those 60 pounds came back. So really, in many ways one of the best things to happen to me was when the company I was working for finally went down the toilet enough for me to be laid off.
That happened in February of this year. It took me a bit of work to assimilate the bizarre work life of the previous few years. There was some hurt and anger. Some sense of "what now?". And a bit of depression at feeling once again like a failure. In my late 40-something years, I should be more settled, better set in my life than I am. I'm getting really tired of continually starting over. But I have come to the conclusion that I am talented, skilled, and intelligent. Bad things happen to good people. And I deserve to be treated well, so it's high time I start doing that -- it MUST begin with me or I'll never be able to legitimately expect anyone else to treat me well.
So here I am. Self-employed and self-improving. I'm not just losing weight, I'm changing my lifestyle so I can be truly healthy. In the process, my back will feel better, and though I will always have asthma, I will be able to breathe better. I will be doing my best to be here to enjoy my children and grandchildren for many years to come. And I'm expecting that those years will be filled with much more energy and zest than I have in my life right now.
So, how was YOUR day?
The only sections I purposely avoided were the bakery and the soda and chips area. But it was pretty easy to avoid them. After my yummy splurge last night, I wasn't craving anything sweet. Even the candy bars at the checkout line didn't tempt me. So now I'm pretty well convinced that allowing myself a splurge once a week will actually help me instead of being a stumbling block.
So now the beef is simmering in a mixture of water, onions, garlic, salt, and bouillon. I'll let that stay on the stove on low heat for a few hours, then add the veggies and remaining water closer to the end of the process. At the very end, I'll toss in a couple of hands of noodles. Then voila, 8 quarts of soup for dinner tonight and lunches this coming week.
It's all so simple to make. I don't know why I got out of the habit of making soups and instead into the habit of just grabbing a quick burger at Sonic. I guess that's how the weight creeps on -- before you notice, bad habits sneak in and like a snowball at top of the hill, but the time things have gone noticeably downhill, you realize you butt is huge and you can't hardly move anymore.
I had more than simple bad habits working against me, though. Here's a bit of my story:
Years of taking prednisone because of my asthma put about a hundred pounds on. I remember watching the first 20 pounds come on in the first month and being appalled, not only at the weight but at the speed at which it arrived. But the prednisone made it so I could breathe, so I figured a few extra pounds weren't all that bad. I was wrong, of course.
Then when Adam was going through so much surgery and so many months, day after day, of grueling physical therapy, I kept my sanity by medicating myself with chocolate. What he went through breaks some moms -- I've seen it happen. But not me. I held on and held the torch to light the way as I helped others make their way through it all, too. I blogged, I sat with families during their child's surgeries, I spent hours answering questions by email. I went to DC and lobbied for health care legislative change for families with special needs children. The Family Opportunity Act, passed in 2006, was inspired by our family. I spoke at seminars at National Childrens Hospital, teaching parents with special needs kids how to advocate for their children. And I worked full-time, homeschooled my kids, and raised my boys as a single parent.
I was described as a "dynamo" and a "tower of strength". But the truth was far different. I was scared and weak. I knew if I slowed down or thought about it all too long, I would simply sit down, start crying, and never get up again. If it hadn't been for the love of friends, the support of my mom and dad (Mom came out to Maryland for all the major surgeries and stayed for about a month each time), a great job, and a wonderful church family, then not even chocolate could have helped. I wouldn't have made it and couldn't have faked those more noble qualities as well as I did. But still...scared and weak made chocolate a necessity. And over time that made my butt big.
Once Adam's medical needs were essentially over, I didn't fare well. After seven years working for the same company, the job I loved completely fell apart. With a major asthma episode involving broken ribs and an unfortunate 4-day stay in the emergency room of a hospital in Portland, Oregon, my health was messed up. And somehow I had to figure out how to redefine and rebuild my life. Instead, I fell apart. I moved back to the Midwest and lived with my parents for two years. I tried to take the opportunity to lose weight then, but it didn't work. It wasn't until 2005 that I was able to move out on my own and face a new definition of "normal".
But I haven't really felt good since then. I haven't had energy or focus. I hurt more and more, and can move less and less. And I've been ashamed of the way I look. In fact, it's been over 10 years since I've had a mirror in my home. I just haven't been able to stand the sight of the truth.
But one night in Sept 2007 I was flipping TV channels when I came across the Biggest Loser show. It was amazing. I saw people who looked just like me -- daring to sow their ripples and rolls and waddles. I saw them struggle to eat right. I saw them work hard to exercise and burn fat while building some muscles. And I started working right along with them. Seven months later I was 60 pounds lighter.
Stresses at work too numerable, weird, and sad to bother discussing here made any thoughts of health and fitness seem almost laughable. Eighteen-hour days with very few breaks during any day made exercise nearly impossible and quick eating of whatever was handy nearly a necessity. Far too many of those 60 pounds came back. So really, in many ways one of the best things to happen to me was when the company I was working for finally went down the toilet enough for me to be laid off.
That happened in February of this year. It took me a bit of work to assimilate the bizarre work life of the previous few years. There was some hurt and anger. Some sense of "what now?". And a bit of depression at feeling once again like a failure. In my late 40-something years, I should be more settled, better set in my life than I am. I'm getting really tired of continually starting over. But I have come to the conclusion that I am talented, skilled, and intelligent. Bad things happen to good people. And I deserve to be treated well, so it's high time I start doing that -- it MUST begin with me or I'll never be able to legitimately expect anyone else to treat me well.
So here I am. Self-employed and self-improving. I'm not just losing weight, I'm changing my lifestyle so I can be truly healthy. In the process, my back will feel better, and though I will always have asthma, I will be able to breathe better. I will be doing my best to be here to enjoy my children and grandchildren for many years to come. And I'm expecting that those years will be filled with much more energy and zest than I have in my life right now.
So, how was YOUR day?
Week 3, Day 5
I finally got my soup pot, and I'm really happy with it. It's a T-Fal 8-quart non-stick (inside and out) pot with a glass lid. I also got some chicken bouillon and beef bouilon, beef stew meat, some frozen veggies (baby corn, carrots, red bell peppers, broccoli), and a little bit of bow-tie and penne pasta (it's amazing how satisfying only a handful of pasta in a batch of soup can be). I've got chicken breast already in the freezer from a sale a few weeks ago. So I'm set for making soup.
I had today what is becoming a weekly splurge (remember last Sunday's birthday cake for Victoria). I had a chicken sandwich with a slice of fat-free cheese on whole grain bread for breakfast and lunch. Then for dinner, Adam made tuna mac and cheese with mixed veggies. Not very diet-friendly, but very tasty. And for a late-night snack, I had VERY yummy Ben and Jerry's. Now before you think "Oh wow, she really blew it..", let me assure you it was the best possible ice cream choice. I don't know if they have it everywhere, but here in Omaha at the WalMart SuperCenter there is a three and a half ounce version of Ben and Jerry's. Cute little containers that are smaller than my fist (and I don't have big hands). It still packed a punch with 220 calories, but it was incredibly wonderful and satisfied my urge to splurge. I'm ready to be good for another week.
We went to see a movie tonight, and out of 24 screens, our movie was showing at the one as far as possible away from where we parked. All the way to the end and around to the back. Must have been God's way of telling me to move my butt a bit. Kind of ironic since the movie we saw, The Invention of Lying, spent considerable time making their point that God is a lie. (Boy will Ricky Gervais be surprised when he finds out the truth.)
After the movie, we spent about an hour and a half at WalMart. The first half hour was spent specifically shopping for the soup pot. But the next hour was spent walking up and down every aisle in the grocery section. I didn't have a lot to buy, so I just took the opportunity to walk. I can't go fast with my back hurting, so it wasn't like it would be if a normal person spent an hour walking. But it was still really good for me. And really, any time I spent with Adam is appreciated. (He and his brother Dan are my heroes -- there aren't enough words to say how much I love them!)
So, all in all, it was a good day. A very good one.
I had today what is becoming a weekly splurge (remember last Sunday's birthday cake for Victoria). I had a chicken sandwich with a slice of fat-free cheese on whole grain bread for breakfast and lunch. Then for dinner, Adam made tuna mac and cheese with mixed veggies. Not very diet-friendly, but very tasty. And for a late-night snack, I had VERY yummy Ben and Jerry's. Now before you think "Oh wow, she really blew it..", let me assure you it was the best possible ice cream choice. I don't know if they have it everywhere, but here in Omaha at the WalMart SuperCenter there is a three and a half ounce version of Ben and Jerry's. Cute little containers that are smaller than my fist (and I don't have big hands). It still packed a punch with 220 calories, but it was incredibly wonderful and satisfied my urge to splurge. I'm ready to be good for another week.
We went to see a movie tonight, and out of 24 screens, our movie was showing at the one as far as possible away from where we parked. All the way to the end and around to the back. Must have been God's way of telling me to move my butt a bit. Kind of ironic since the movie we saw, The Invention of Lying, spent considerable time making their point that God is a lie. (Boy will Ricky Gervais be surprised when he finds out the truth.)
After the movie, we spent about an hour and a half at WalMart. The first half hour was spent specifically shopping for the soup pot. But the next hour was spent walking up and down every aisle in the grocery section. I didn't have a lot to buy, so I just took the opportunity to walk. I can't go fast with my back hurting, so it wasn't like it would be if a normal person spent an hour walking. But it was still really good for me. And really, any time I spent with Adam is appreciated. (He and his brother Dan are my heroes -- there aren't enough words to say how much I love them!)
So, all in all, it was a good day. A very good one.
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