Week 14, Day 3

I know I'm not unique in having painful family issues to deal with. We all have things that come up, and we all have passages to traverse. And I'm guessing when we do, we all feel like the only ones who ever felt so bad, sad, etc. I'm not going to go into any of it in a public forum like this, but suffice it to say, crap is hitting at a time when I'm already depressed and struggling, and it looks like the bumps in the road are about to become big ol' mountains to climb. Considering my appetite has gone completely away today, I'm guessing this can either be the best thing possible in terms of losing weight (though probably not the most healthy way to do it) or it can be devastating to my efforts. Clearly, I need to be careful and make sure I don't resort to comfort eating. No mass quantities of chocolate to get me through, or huge plates of pasta and cheese late at night to help me finally go to sleep. Wish me luck.

Today's Tip:
Eat This, Not That has some great advice about food additives that can not only compromise your health, but also sabotage your diet. Their recent newsletter says:

"A secret ingredient in packaged foods may be making you fat. University of North Carolina scientists found that people who ate monosodium glutamate (a.k.a. MSG) were more likely to be overweight than those who didn't consume the flavor enhancer.

The researchers speculate that the additive interferes with brain neurons, stimulating appetite. Most products don't list monosodium glutamate on their labels, but if you see "hydrolyzed vegetable protein" or "vegetable protein extract," consider it code for "MSG."

For more scary additives, food substitutes, and unpronounceable chemicals that reside in your everyday meals, check out our Food Additive Glossary.

Week 14, Day 2

I think this has been the hardest week of the entire three months so far. Rampant PMS, no energy, terrible depression, hungry ALL the time, and no weight loss at all. I feel like giving up, not just on the diet but on life itself. My head knows better, but my heart is in terrible trouble. I think it's all hormones. If I didn't, I'd find a tall building and take a short leap. This has really been miserable.

I don't even remember what I ate yesterday. A sandwich, a bowl of oatmeal that turned out like crap, a bowl of soup. Something else maybe? I really don't remember. Some leg lifts - about 50 in the evening. I haven't eaten today. I'm hungry, but I don't know for what. That's part of the problem. Nothing is satisfying. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. Adam and I are going out to see a movie later on tonight. I hope that helps.

Today's Tip:
NBC has posted info about their new team of Biggest Losers for Season 9. Click here to see it. The new season begins January 5. Just in time for New Years resolutions to kick into high gear. I'll be there. Will you be there with me? Please join with me! I need the support! I really can't do this alone!

Week 13, Day 7

I am firmly retreating from the world tonight. I've had two bowls of hot soup, a sandwich, and two cookies. And now I'm going to take my Jillian Michaels book and go to bed. It's safer there. I was fine until I went out this afternoon and slid sideways down the street about four blocks from home. Coming home, I saw two other cars in the same place smashed up with the owners exchanging information. It took me about two hours to stop shaking. I HATE winter ice!

No exercising today other than the workout my legs get from the tense walking I do on ice and snow and about ten minutes of intense shivering in the car before it warmed up. I'll probably do some leg lifts in bed later on. I'm up to 30 per leg now.

I think my mood lows the past week have probably been because of Mother Nature bitch slapping me again. I didn't think it was time for that nonsense yet, but I guess it's been about three weeks since I plummeted before, so this is only a bit early. Whatever. I don't like getting older, but I won't miss PMS. The Jillian Michaels book talks a lot about hormones, so maybe it will help me avoid a lot of this misery.

Today's Tip:
I have none. And that's okay. Not every day has to be a banner day. We just have to keep moving forward anyway.

Week 13, Day 6

I don't know what's wrong with me. The more I exercise, the more food I want. I've eaten sooo much the past couple of days. And it doesn't help that Adam made cookies last night. Really, really good cookies. They were made with oatmeal, so they weren't complete crap. But they were far from good for me. I walked about a mile yesterday and biked for a half hour today. I've done 50 leg lifts each day. And I've done weight work on my arms. And I've eaten. And eaten. And eaten. And all I can think about is food. And death and loss and really horrid depressing stuff -with associated crying myself to sleep each night. Something is terribly out of whack in my head! UGH! I need to seriously refocus! I'm not sure how, but somehow I've got to get myself back into some sort of "normal" zone. Not that I've ever had a normal life, nor do I want to. I like extraordinary. I like eclectic. But I don't like morbid. And I hate morbid obesity. I'm NOT happy with where I am right now. Tomorrow has GOT to be better!

Today's Tip:
I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and bought Jillan Michael's new book. Jillian is one of the trainers on the Biggest Loser show. She's the one who is usually the hardest, the one everyone thinks of as a bit bitchy. But I'm finding her book Master Your Metabolism: The 3 Diet Secrets to Naturally Balancing Your Hormones for a Hot and Healthy Body! to be very heartfelt and warm. It's very easy to read, very encouraging, and very full of empathy and step-by-step here's-how-to-really-make-a-change advice. It makes me want to give her a great big hug and then sit at her feet and listen to every word she says. I suspect it's exactly what I need right now. I'm on my way through it again, with a highlighter this time. It's worth really studying.