Week 24, Day 4

The week has flown by. I didn't want it to. I wanted time to crawl by so somehow I could become stronger, more ready for Monday. It didn't, and I'm not. But Monday will come anyway.

I don't remember much of what I've eaten. There hasn't been much of it, so I don't think it has hurt my diet too much. I did have some ice cream the other night. Not much, though. Less than a cup. I had a chili dog the other day, but that lasted for both lunch and dinner. Not quite in line with the nutritious, grass-fed meat choices I've been trying to make lately, but oh well. I felt better after eating it. And in days past I would have eaten six of them, followed by a box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. I didn't do that this time, so progress has been made.

Exercise has been a few leg lifts and whatever housework provides. I've spent my time sorting through things and tossing whatever I can. Simplifying. Getting rid of old magazines I always intended to read, catalogs I thought I would buy from, clothes I hope I never fit in again. And scrubbing mineral stains in the toilet (which, by the way, still won't come out and still look terrible).

Tomorrow is the last day to prepare since Sunday I go pick up Mom and Dad and bring them to my home. Will they cry as Dad leaves his home for what may be the last time? I have to be ready. If he does, I cannot crumble. I have got to find a way to be strong if they are not. So I have cried this week whenever the mood has hit -- which has been frequently -- so I can have as much of it out of my system as possible. My hope is that I will have embraced the sadness fully and disposed of it so I can then embrace the positive strength fully when it is needed.

Today's Tip:
I've noticed I have had a tendency to breathe shallowly this week. A sign of anxiety? So I have made efforts to stop and breathe deeply whenever I notice. I am a woman of faith, so I have also tried to remember key verses that have particular meaning to me. 2Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. That seems particularly relevant now. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says that God has plans for us, that He hears us, and that when we seek Him, He will be found. Good things to remember and contemplate as I breathe deeply. When life gets difficult for you -- and it will, as it does for all of us from time to time, take time to breathe deeply to stay calm. And as you nurture your body, don't forget that nurturing your spirit is an important aspect of good health, too.

Week 24, Day 1

I did not weigh in today. And I'm not going to until this whole thing with Dad is safely over. We have less than a week to go before surgery. I've been trying to clean house -- a major feat for a slob like me, so Mom and Dad can stay with me. I'm back to frequent uncontrollable crying jags. And frankly, I just can't add weight guilt on top of it all. I'll eat the best I can, do the exercises I can, and it will just have to be good enough. Weighing myself will only add stress, guilt, and worries. I don't need that. A week or so of not keeping track will not ruin the journey. I'll still check in here as often as I can and report what I eat and what I do, but no worries about meeting goals and whether or not I failed.

The day after Dad's surgery marks the 38th anniversary of the death of my brother. Sitting in ICU worrying about whether or not Dad pulls through is probably not the easiest way for my parents to spend the day. I know for them the anniversary is as fresh as if Bill had left us only yesterday. I do not envy them this journey. I ache for them, really. Sometimes I think the only thing worse than dying young is growing old. I want so much to make this all easier for them, and yet I don't know how. And as long as I'm drowning in my own tears, I'm no good to anyone. I just don't know how to stop. I am so very sad.

Today's Tip:
Advice I hope I can take to heart myself. Though I've been snarfing down Frosted Flakes like they're manna from Heaven, grief and stress are not good reasons to eat crap. Junk food will not really make anything better. In fact, eating junk will only sabotage your efforts to deal with the challenges life is throwing at you, making the grief and stress a more potent dragon that can harm your health and keep your goals out of reach. Slay the dragons in your life with proper nutrition and by using exercise to dispel the excess energy that can build up. Perhaps easier said than done, but no one said slaying dragons was easy.

Week 23, Day 7

I've fallen off the wagon in a big way. Mom sent a goodie bag home with me on Friday, and I got into it yesterday. In addition to some magazines, toilet paper, and Kleenex, there were also two boxes of Frosted Flakes. I now only have one and half boxes left. To my credit, that half a box of Frosted Flakes I devoured is all I've eaten yesterday and today. But still. Shame on me. I have zero willpower. Plus, I've only done leg lifts for exercises since Friday. What's the matter with me? I have no willpower, no oomph in me. I would kick my butt if I had the energy.

Today's Tip:
The folks at Eat This, Not That have a wonderful entry called The Worst Beverages in the Supermarket. I'm completely stunned. Who would have figured that something as healthy sounding as Agave Melon Antioxidant Water would have the same sugar content at 3 bowls of Honey Comb cereal? It would take 20 minutes of shoveling snow to undo this not-so-healthy-after-all sin. Minute Maid Lemonade? Not such a good choice on a warm summer afternoon. It has the same sugar equivalent as 6 Good Humor vanilla ice cream sandwiches and would require 60 minutes of vigorous housecleaning to undo. I don't do 60 minutes of vigorous housecleaning. Ever. So Minute Maid is never passing over these lazy lips again. To check out more beverage bombshells, go to>> http://eatthis.menshealth.com/slideshow/worst-beverages-supermarket#title