Week 10, Day 4 and 5

I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I'm tired, sore, discouraged, and as hungry as if I hadn't eaten for a month. What's wrong with me? The weather is good enough that I should have gobs of vim and vigor. And yet here I sit...completely inactive.

Yesterday was a mixed bag, and it was so busy I forgot to come here and write a post until it was like 2 o'clock in the morning -- far too late for me to be writing something that should have some kind of coherent thoughts.

Here's the run down on the exercise: I biked for about 20 minutes first thing when I got up, and it felt good. Then I picked up a little around the house. Mid-afternoon we went to run errands at Whole Foods and the mall. I walked around Whole Foods a bit to get some more exercise. Then at the mall I got so tied up in trying to find a parking space that I forgot which store I needed to go to, and I ended up parking at the opposite end from where I needed to be. It's not a huge mall, but for me it was a lot of walking and I was really sore by the time we got back to the car. Then when we got home, I did more picking up around the house and got down on my hands and knees to spot scrub several doggie stains on the carpet. By the time I dropped into bed, I was in pain and exhausted. I'm guessing it was a "good" pain, in that it was evidence that I actually got up and around far more than I've been used to in a long time. But man...it has me stiff, sore, and tired. And, sadly, I haven't done very much today.

I've eaten well both days and was really pleased with the difference at the mall. Fast food places that a few months ago would have tempted me sorely just didn't have any appeal or pull for me at all. Changing my eating patterns, I think, is one of the hardest parts of dieting, and I was pleased to see that I have made some progress in that area. However, today I would kill for a chocolate chip cookie. Or an eclair. Yeah, that's it, I've wanted an eclair for a couple of days. Yogurt will just have to do.

The depressing part of yesterday was when I was sitting for a bit to rest on the way to the store I needed to go to. Across the corridor was a dark glass, and I could see my reflection. I realize maybe it distorted things a bit, but I did NOT like what I saw. I'm losing weight, I'm toning up, but I still look absolutely huge. It was completely disheartening. I know this takes time, but still...I wanted to sit there and cry. I don't FEEL like a fat person. I know I'm fat. But it is still jarring and depressing to have that visual image of the awful truth. It's times like this that it would be so easy to just give up -- it's taking too long, I don't have the patience to wait months and months until my body finally looks like it should. And I hate myself for letting me get to this point. Why did I do it? Why didn't I stop myself a long time ago? Now I'm stuck with this hellish looking body and stuck with pain and stuck with being tired. And I hate it. I guess that's what propels me forward -- it would drive me nuts to think I'd have to stay this way forever. Ugh.

Today's Tip:
As we become "me" focused in the weight loss journey, we have to remember to purposefully reach out to help others (not necessarily weigh loss oriented). Here's an opportunity. A friend of mine asked me to help spread the word about a special promotion that will benefit the March of Dimes. The radio station she works for is helping with this, so I KNOW it's legitimate. It's really easy, too, and it's great fun for the holidays. Plus, you can't beat helping a cause like the March of Dimes! Will you please help spread the word?

Here's the program: Get a text message from Santa for $5.49 on your phone (or your child's phone) and $1 of it goes to the March of Dimes. The top 3 markets also get a nice donation. Here is the link: http://omaha.textsanta.net/ Won't you please take a look and consider this for a kid in your life? And again, please help spread the word so even more money can be raised for the March of Dimes! Thank you!!!!