Week 13, Day 6

I don't know what's wrong with me. The more I exercise, the more food I want. I've eaten sooo much the past couple of days. And it doesn't help that Adam made cookies last night. Really, really good cookies. They were made with oatmeal, so they weren't complete crap. But they were far from good for me. I walked about a mile yesterday and biked for a half hour today. I've done 50 leg lifts each day. And I've done weight work on my arms. And I've eaten. And eaten. And eaten. And all I can think about is food. And death and loss and really horrid depressing stuff -with associated crying myself to sleep each night. Something is terribly out of whack in my head! UGH! I need to seriously refocus! I'm not sure how, but somehow I've got to get myself back into some sort of "normal" zone. Not that I've ever had a normal life, nor do I want to. I like extraordinary. I like eclectic. But I don't like morbid. And I hate morbid obesity. I'm NOT happy with where I am right now. Tomorrow has GOT to be better!

Today's Tip:
I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and bought Jillan Michael's new book. Jillian is one of the trainers on the Biggest Loser show. She's the one who is usually the hardest, the one everyone thinks of as a bit bitchy. But I'm finding her book Master Your Metabolism: The 3 Diet Secrets to Naturally Balancing Your Hormones for a Hot and Healthy Body! to be very heartfelt and warm. It's very easy to read, very encouraging, and very full of empathy and step-by-step here's-how-to-really-make-a-change advice. It makes me want to give her a great big hug and then sit at her feet and listen to every word she says. I suspect it's exactly what I need right now. I'm on my way through it again, with a highlighter this time. It's worth really studying.