Tiger by the Tail, Week 38, Day 6

I am totally amused today. I feel better than I have in years. And not only do I have a tiger by the tail (as the saying goes), but I'm pretty sure today I have a much more fierce roar than he does. Everyone else in the jungle better get out of my way because today I am Queen. Oh yeah, I rule! Good thing, too, since life is making a paradigm shift right now....again.

Okay, to recap: a few weeks ago I was dangerously depressed, I lost my job, my car's transmission had blown up and I was driving a car that had belonged to my nephew and was badly beaten up, and I despaired of ever having life be good again.

This is what has changed: Today I have a new job (I just got hired), I have started college again (holy smokes, my classes are HARD!), my son has decided that college is a good idea and wants to go too, my poor little beat up car makes me laugh every time I look at it. My weight loss is slowly starting up again -- I lost a couple of pounds this week, in spite of having birthday cake this past Monday.

These are the challenges: My new job doesn't pay much. But that's okay. In today's economy and after being unemployed for a year and a half, I'm glad to have a job. My new job will require that I be on my feet the whole time. But thank goodness I've spent the past several months working on my fitness. Yes, my legs, back, and feet will hurt the first few weeks on the job, but I'll get over it. At least I'll be able to do it; this time last year I couldn't have done it. Yay me! My classes are harder than I thought they would be. But that's okay. If I already knew all the stuff, there wouldn't be any need for me to take the classes. I'll just have to make sure I stay diligent in studying every day. We still haven't been able to afford an alignment for the car. So I haven't seen my parents, First Son, Wifey, or Little Man for a very long time. I miss them!

With work and school, I want to make sure I allow time each day for fitness. I've come too far give up the progress I've made or to give up the goals I've set. I'm grateful for the time off I've had to "jump start" the weight loss at my leisure. But now I will have to be much more disciplined and make sure I stick to an actual schedule. I can do this! I just have to want to badly enough to stick with it. Maybe a calendar and schedule it in? Or maybe the same time every day? I don't know. But I'll make it happen. :)

Today's Tip:
Do you love to snack as much as I do? Smart snacking between main meals can actually keep you from making wrong food choices at mealtime. But unless you're careful about your snacking, it can sabotage your dieting efforts. The folks at Eat This, Not That have developed 7 Snack-Smart Guidelines to help snack the right way. You'll want to read the whole list with the explanations, of course. But the Cliff's Notes version is:

• Don't snack if you're not hungry.
• Go for high-protein, not high-carb.
• Keep the salt down, especially for your kids.
• Take the family to the movies (no butter on the popcorn, though!).
• Go nuts and dark chocolate.
• Reward yourself with ice cream (one spoonful triggers the pleasure center in the brain).
• Think dips (the right dips, that is).

Check out the explanations and more in-depth advice with 7 Snack-Smart Guidelines at this link>>> http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/content/7-snack-smart-guidelines?cm_mmc=ETNTNL-_-2010_06_01-_-HTML-_-dek

Only ONE Chin!, Week 38, Day 1

Yesterday was party day, and I ate CAKE. Yes, cake. With sugary frosting. And I loved it. After all, it's not every day one's last child reaches the milestone age of 21. However, I am enjoying my fruit and veggies today!

A photo was taken of me yesterday. And I was really surprised at home much it showed my weight loss. So I thought for today's blog entry I would show some "before" photos and then yesterday's "now" photo. It will be fun to do it again when the next 50 pounds are gone!

This is from December 2009 at Christmas time. I'm playing with my doggie, Cinnamon. The slacks are size 26, I wear a size 18 now. The sweater, which you see doesn't even go around me in the photo, hangs on me like hobo clothes now.









This one is from this past September, just as I was beginning this blog. Sixty pounds ago. Not a pretty picture. I tried. But nope, not a pretty picture.

















Look, ma, I have cheekbones and only ONE chin! This photo is from yesterday. I still have some weight to lose -- mostly from my rear end. But I'm well on my way! Wooohoo! Oh...and that handsome man with me? My son Adam on his 21st birthday. And yes, that is a tiara on his head. His friends opted for a princess theme this year. They are as quirky as we are, and that's why we love them!

Baggy Ts and Maggots - Week 37, Day 4

A lot is said these days about the young kids and their baggy clothes. I don't know that I look much better right now. Oh sure, my pants don't ride low around my knees. But they are quite baggy, and none of my t-shirts fit -- I swear another person could fit with me inside some of these shirts. I guess that's okay. Kind of appalling, though, to think how big I was last summer! And a relief to NOT be that big this summer! I think it *might* be time to go shopping again!

The past few days I've been sitting outside in the afternoons. Now that I'm not so big, I find that I have a better tolerance for the heat. Not like I really love hot weather now. That would take a bigger miracle than weight loss. But I don't mind it. Part of it is that I no longer get overheated so easily. And I think part of it, too, is that I'm used to being hot when I workout. No big deal now. Nothing to hate or be all stressed about. In fact, being heated has some positive emotions associated with it now. So ... interesting to see the unexpected changes that crop up as time goes on.

I didn't do any major walking yesterday, but I did an hour of leg lifts and butt lifts. That came out to about 75 lifts per leg with some rests in between and 25 butt lifts. I feel it today, and I'm glad about that. I walked for about 20 minutes at the grocery store and could feel my leg muscles aching a bit. I like doing different things besides always biking or always walking. But I do want to keep focusing on my lower half as much as possible since there's a LOT of weight down there and my legs are still not as strong as I'd like them to be.

Dad is still keeping up with his walking, and Mom has begun to go with him sometimes. I haven't seen them, but I'll bet they're a cute couple -- two 80-somethings sauntering along the hallway together, doing what they can to improve their health. I'm so proud of them!

Today's Tip:
Shhh...can you keep a secret? Eat This, Not That can't! They have a list of 11 Secrets the Food Industry Doesn't Want You to Know, including what beverage makers don't want you to know (some bottled green teas --like Republic of Tea Pomegranate Green Tea -- aren't as healthy as they would like you to believe), what Land O'Lakes doesn't want you to know (there's no such thing as "fat free" half and half --no matter what they say on the label), what supermarkets don't want you to know (if you're stuck in long lines, you're 25 percent more likely to give in to the temptation of the candy and sodas near you while you wait), and 8 other secrets (look for the one that talks about how the FDA allows maggots and rodent droppings in our food!). Check it out here>>>http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/content/11-secrets-food-industry-doesnt-want-you-know?cm_mmc=ETNTNL-_-2010_05_27-_-HTML-_-dek

Congratulations! Week 37, Day 2

Congratulations to Season 9 Biggest Loser winner, Michael Ventrella! Can you imagine losing 264 pounds? That's more than I started out weighing last September! He began his journey on Biggest Loser at 526 pounds, the biggest contestant in show history. What a brave guy! Check out these before and after photos! And what a triumph to go on and win the competition! Yay, Michael! I only saw the last few minutes of the finale last night, but I went on the NBC site and saw the photos of all the contestants, and I must say I'm completely inspired to get back into full swing on the weight loss. Wooohoo!

My scales still aren't budging. Each day is a few pounds up or down, but nothing out of the same general range I've been in for a couple of months now. The doctor seems to think it's a combination of the lack of eating and the hormonal imbalance. So I've been eating like a good girl and taking my vitamins. The antidepressants are beginning to kick in, and they haven't increased my appetite like some can, so I'm okay on that front. I just can't figure why I'm not losing any weight at all. So I'm going to work on increasing my activity a bit. I'm doing my walking each day, but I'm going to add my bike to my routine. It's been a few months since I've used my recumbent bike, and frankly, these past several weeks I haven't felt much like doing anything. I'm still extremely fatigued --- the doctor says it's because of the hormones -- but I really need to get the weight loss going again. And I'm sure I can do it. I just need to make sure I never, ever give up. It's a process, not a one-time fix. Right? Right!

Food is pretty much the same each day. Money is still very, very tight. So I need for every bite to count. A turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread. A bowl of veggies, usually peas or mixed veggies. A 1/2 cup of yogurt with fruit, and a banana. Not too much, but enough to fill me up. And all good stuff. And plenty, plenty, plenty of water.

So...I'm keeping up the good fight. You do it too....let's keep on keeping on. We'll get there together!

Today's Tip:
I thought this was great advice for life in general, but particularly for those of us on a weight loss or fitness improvement journey. (Thank you to my friend Marie for posting it on Facebook yesterday.):
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do."-Pope John XXIII

Fired and Fired Up, Week 36, Day 4

Okay, so after hearing on Monday that I have a nasty bad hormonal imbalance and need to eat, I've been eating like a good girl. The first couple of days I lost five pounds. Now today I see I have gained seven. So I guess it's a net gain of two. I give up trying to figure this stuff out. I think too much worrying about it will not help, so I'm just going to do my best and keep moving forward. I've lost so much weight already, so I know I can make it all the way to my goal.

The crying jags have been replaced by incessant shaking. I look like I have the beginnings of Parkinsons, but since I feel anxious all the time, I'm sure it's just more of the hormonally-induced mood problems. Or maybe the first week at the new job. Or maybe being fired today from the new job (I dared to ask for some additional training...shame on me). So now what are we going to do for money to pay the bills? I don't know. It's enough to give a person the shakes. On the upside, I made a new friend at work this past week, and I'm grateful for that. Plus, I had an interview yesterday, and today I had plenty of time to fill out more applications. So here I am, fired and fired up all in one day. Please keep us in your prayers.

I've had plenty of exercise this week, mostly walking since the job was in a large building and everything seemed to be far away from everything else. Plus, a couple of trips to walk around Walmart before coming home from work. As for food, I've eaten a bowl of high-fiber cereal each day before work, a turkey sandwich on 12-grain bread and a cup of yogurt for lunch, and a bowl of veggies for dinner. I did splurge and have a soda once at work and a small bag of animal crackers. So...there's my accountability. All in all, I think I did pretty well this week.

Today's Tip:
You know I'm a big advocate of organic, natural foods, and shopping more on the perimeter of a grocery store rather than getting anything canned or packaged. But I know sometimes life gets busy and ready-to-eat foods are really what our lifestyles demand. Prevention.com has a great article on the 49 Best Ready-To-Eat Foods, an aisle-by-aisle guide for healthy eating. I think it's got some great suggestions. They even suggest some organic items! But they also have some great things like Uncle Ben's whole grain white rice. Who knew there was such a thing as whole grain white rice? Plus, SunSweet -- the raisin people -- has just come out with a mix of dried fruits that sounds yummy and is focused on antioxidants. It includes blueberries, cherries, cranberries, and plums. What an awesome idea! The list has some great budget buys, too, so it's well worth taking a peek. You can access it here>>>> http://online.prevention.com/bestfoodawards/?cm_mmc=Spotlight-_-052102010-_-Health-_-Here%27s%20what%20to%20buy%20at%20the%20supermarket

Week 35, Day 6

Oh man, hormones are nothing to mess around with! I just found out today that I have a SEVERE hormonal imbalance. Yes, it's important to eat. Or you will end up like me. Depressed, not sleeping, lacking energy, crying ALL day, unable to think clearly, and unable to lose weight in spite of the lack of eating. I'm so glad I got so desperately sad that I finally went to the doctor in a last-ditch effort to find relief before giving up completely and resorting to plunging myself off a bridge. I heard once that if you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning. Yup, that's me, and this is your warning. Eat, and make darned sure it's a well-balanced diet. Your life truly depends on it.

Soooo...what to do to fix this? No hormone supplements yet. We'll see in a few weeks after I've been on antidepressants for a bit. This way, if there are any side effects, we'll know for sure what's causing the problem. Aside from the antidepressants to lift me as quickly as possible out of this dangerously low mood, my doctor suggested the following steps, which I think are good to do on a regular basis anyway:

• Eat a well-balanced diet EVERY day. Keep a diary to make SURE it is balanced -- particularly important until everything in the body is in balance again and eating right becomes a habit again.

• Take a multi-vitamin EVERY day.

• Consider supplementing diet and a multi wtih vitamin B, C, and D and with Omega-3 complex.

• Exercise, preferably something like walking, which engages most of the body. Exercise helps elevate the mood and regulate hormones.

I went from the doctor's office to the pharmacy to pick up my happy pills to the first day of my new job. Yup, that's right -- the job I didn't want and am pretty sure they made a mistake in hiring me. They may think so, too, if they had known I had a new prescription of happy pills in my purse. Oh well. Too late now! At least with fresh drugs in my system, it is easier to slap a happy smile on my face and pretend to be happy to be there. And I am pleased to be earning money again. We had the 2-mile tour today, and I didn't keel over. Yayee for 60 pounds of weight lost and better fitness! This week is training, and we get tested at the end of each day to see if we are worthy to come back the next day for more training. So far, so good; I'm allowed to come back tomorrow.

Today's Tip:
Jillian Michaels (one of the trainers from NBC's Biggest Loser) has written a book about hormones. I have the book, but I haven't read it all yet. I probablly could have avoided a lot of grief and my current problems if I had. If you're interested, here's a link to Amazon. You'll get a better price here than you will at a bookstore. Just click on this link Master Your Metabolism: The 3 Diet Secrets to Naturally Balancing Your Hormones for a Hot and Healthy Body!
or the image:

Mangia, Mangia! Week 35, Day 3

My friend Susan suggested that perhaps the reason I haven't been losing weight, in spite of the fact that I am eating very little yet maintaining a moderate activity level, is because... I'm eating very little. Haha...sweet irony. I had heard of this kind of thing before, but somehow in the chaos of the past few months this fact bypassed the little hamsters operating the master controls in my head. Maybe because it makes no sense that my body would actually be dumb enough to go into starvation mode when I still have so much lard left to burn. Silly hamsters. So I need to eat MORE calories in order to burn the EXTRA calories being stored as fat? Okay...whatever. I'm not hungry these days and forget to eat, we haven't had money for groceries anyway, but if I need to eat in order to drop the fat, then so be it. I'll simply program reminders into my cellphone. Plus, next week when I begin my new doofus job, I'll eat before I go to work and again on break, so that will help. Yayee for eating.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning to go talk to the community college people, and I filled out my application for a Pell grant today. Maybe by this time tomorrow I'll be a student again, another step on the way to Normal. (Yes, I have begun to capitalize the word "normal". It has developed its own persona now. It deserves an upper case N.)

Monday the doofus job begins, but today we had a mini-orientation, complete with I-9's and W-4's. (Lord, help me to be grateful for ANY job after so long without one and when there are so many who still don't have one....I need to work on gratitude.) And three flights of stairs up and down since the elevator was not working. And a ton of walking since the training room was across the very large building. We also learned that on Monday we get a tour of the facility. They said the tour will encompass about 2 miles of walking, so we should bring our exercise shoes. Oh boy. Two miles. Surely they have no idea what fear that puts into the heart of this asthmatic obese woman. If I don't keel over dead, I'll have something to report here Monday night after work (I get off at 9:00). Again, another reason why I'm so very grateful I spent these last several months working on my fitness. Today I did fairly well and kept up with the group. Wish me luck on Monday. And if you have not yet begun your own fitness journey, please please please begin NOW -- trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Today's Tip:
Did you know that a small scoop of tuna salad will help quell a belly ache, pineapple and papaya will help reduce post-workout pain, and dark chocolate helps with sunburn? MSN Health channel has a brief but very interesting article about foods that help fight pain. The article is located here>>> http://health.msn.com/health-topics/pain-management/fibromyalgia/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100256168

Circling Back, Week 35, Day 2

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Or at least they seem to circle back to a very similar place. Fourteen years ago today my two sons and I arrived in Baltimore. No job. No place to live. Just a firm belief that we had arrived where we were supposed to be. Even then, I cried fear-filled tears as we hit the city limits. So much pain, struggle, and uncertainty lay ahead as we fought to save, reconstruct, and lengthen Adam's leg. Now here I am fourteen years later, no more certain of my future, far worse off financially, and officially making my way down the twilight side of the mountain. The good news is that instead of 100 pounds heavier, I am only 20 pounds heavier than when we arrived in Baltimore. Now all I've got to do is find a way to pick up the rest of the pieces of my life that somehow fell apart last year. I've made my way through the dark before - I did it fourteen years ago. Now I've just got to do it again.

I mentioned yesterday about the possibility of my going to ITT Tech. I spoke to their financial aid department today. After the massive wave of nausea passed, I determined that it is definitely not the school for me. There is no way I'm going to sign papers for a $33,000 student loan for an associates degree from a tech school. Soooo...I have an appointment set up for Friday to speak to an advisor at our local community college. Maybe not the prestige I seek, but considering I'm looking at IT, it's not so much the degree as the certifications I'll be getting on the side anyway. And from what I can see on their website, a Pell grant will take care of everything and I won't have to get a huge loan. So it should all work out. At least maybe this option won't make me want to puke. Think good thoughts for me. These decisions all seemed so much easier to make when I was younger! Oddly, fourteen years ago, I was taking college courses too. Again...that whole circling back thing.

I walked a bit more last night. We had to go out to Walmart and buy a new headlight to install on our new poor little adopted car. The automotive department is in the far back corner. And parking was pretty far away. So a good chunk of walking on top of what I had done earlier. Not much today, though. It's been raining all day, and there has been far too much to do. I have done some leg lifts, though, and some work on my arms with weights. So it hasn't been a total loss.

I'm still not eating much. I would think no more than I've been eating, the weight would have been dropping off me. But it has tenaciously held on. That's okay. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing and trust that when the stress is gone, the weight will come off eventually. I'm exercising, I'm not eating excessively. So sooner or later the weight has to disappear.

Today's Tip:
I read in Prevention.com today that yogurt helps create an unfriendly environment in the mouth for bad bacteria. So it helps fight gum disease and bad breath. And it helps with weight loss! Bonus!

Not So Elementary, Watson, Week 35, Day 1

Where is Inspector Gadget when you need him? Or maybe Sherlock Holmes? It is certainly a mystery. No weight loss for about a month, and I can't figure out why. In the absence of a famed detective, I'm going to chalk it up to stress. I'm not eating more than about 300 calories a day, so it can't be that I'm overeating. And I'm keeping my activity level fairly high, so that's not it either. It certainly is frustrating!

Still searching for my new normal, I have spent the past several days looking into schools. And today I applied for admission at ITT Tech. I go talk to their financial aid office tomorrow. Until I get their verdict, I don't know if school is even a possibility. If it is, then I'm hoping that by this time next year my life, my income, and my hope for the future will be vastly different. If I keep on track for my weight loss, my body will be too. Keep moving forward.

As of this afternoon, I have a car in my name again. It was my niece's son's car. It has multiple dents and a lot of miles on it. Not a pretty car by any stretch of the imagination. But it runs and it cost what we could afford. I'm grateful to have it! Life is beginning to look better. I want to walk, but it's different when it's a choice for fitness rather than a requirement because of a lack of wheels!

Today's Tip:
It's nearly time for graduation parties to begin. And some of them will have "forbidden" goodies...you know, all that sweet stuff that looks pretty and tastes so good, but has soooo many calories and is so hard to resist. Never fear! Your willpower will get a huge boost if you plan ahead. Eat something healthy and filling before you go to the party, and it will be so much easier to say no to the siren call of the snack table. Even something simple like a piece of fruit and a bit of cheese will do the trick.

Welcome to Normal, Week 34, Day 6

Happy Mother's Day, everyone! Mine has been quiet. I stepped on the scales today and see that I weigh the same as I did a month ago. No change up or down. After a few months of loads of stress, I guess not going up is a triumph. I used to deal with stress by eating fistfuls of chocolate, so I'm ahead of the game these days.

The blister on my foot from walking so much the other day has finally healed. I think I'll go for a walk later on. I need it after a couple of days of not walking. I need to eat better, too. The past week or so I haven' been eating much. Some crackers and a cup of yogurt or some noodles each day. Have missed my veggies and fruit. But I haven't really felt like eating. I need to make sure I don't let myself get sick. It surprises me, though, that the weight hasn't dropped considering how little I've been eating. Oh well. It will happen.

I remember awhile back talking about how after taking care of my parents I would need to come home and find a new "normal". With my car blowing up, a not-so-perfect job coming up, I've added the decision to change careers. I'm on track to pursue a career in IT, possibly as either as a general technician or a network administrator. First thing is to study for my A+ certificate, and I've already begun studying. Oh, and let's not forget that since we're possibly renting out my bedroom, I'll be living in the basement. A typical geek -- living in the basement doing computer stuff. Not quite what I had envisioned for my new "normal". It's kind of surreal, like I'm standing back watching someone else's life play out. And it's almost amusing. We'll see where all of this goes. In the meantime, I need to find a place that sells pocket protectors -- you know, to complete the "look" to go with my new life.

I have a lead on a car that we can afford. It's not a great one, has 146,000 miles on it. But maybe we won't be on foot much longer and will have a car before the less-than-wonderful temp job starts next Monday. It's a Mitsubishi. I learned today that they're made in Normal, IL. That fact alone makes me feel like we were meant to have this car. It also makes me think that God has a quirky sense of humor. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Adam's birthday is coming up the end of May. I'd like to hit a 100 pound loss by then. I began this blog at 259 pounds, but I actually began losing weight at 279. Since my weight is standing still right now, I don't know if I can make it to my 100 pound loss goal by May 31, but I'd like to try. And if I don't make it by then, I'll aim for July 4. Appropriate marker -- liberate myself from 100 pounds by Independence Day. :)

Today's Tip:
MSN Health has a list of 7 Foods That Should Never Cross Your Lips. I was really surprised by some of them, but the reasons they listed made sense. Here's my shortened version. You can read the whole thing at: http://health.msn.com/nutrition/summers-smartest-choices/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100246775&page=1

1) Microwave popcorn. The bag has toxic components that leach into the popcorn. Better to pop your corn in a skillet.
2) Nonorganic potatoes. Root veggies absorb herbicides, fungicides, and pesticides that are in the soil and are treated with these chemicals again after their picked. Washing won't remove these toxins, either. Better to spend just a bit more and get organic.
3) Farmed salmon. Massive toxins in the water to keep the salmon alive are the problem. If it says "fresh Atlantic", it's farmed. Canned salmon is most likely wild, can be found for as little as $3 a can, and is a much better choice.
4) Milk produced with hormones. Farmers treated their dairy cows with recombinant bovine growth hormone (rbgh) to boost production. Bad stuff. Watch your labels and buy milk that doesn't have rbgh. Walmart's Great Value milk is an example of a brand that doesn't have hormones.
5) Apples. An apple a day might have kept the doctor away back in the old days, but not so much anymore since they're heavily sprayed repeatedly with pesticides that don't wash off. Peeling them will help some, but some people still aren't convinced this is enough and recommend only organic.
6) Canned tomatoes. The acid in the tomatoes causes toxins in the can lining to leach into the food. A safer choice is tomatoes in glass jars.
7) Corn-fed beef. Cows aren't mean to eat corn. They were designed to eat grass. Eating corn and chicken byproducts (like chicken manure) makes them sick, requires antibiotics, and reduces the nutritive value of the meat we eat. Better to spend a bit more and buy grass-fed beef. You'll actually be buying more nutrition and better quality nutrition for your money.