Stubborn as a Mule, Week 30, Day 6

It has taken tenacity to lose the weight I have, and it will take tenacity and a strong will to stick with it to reach my goals and maintain a healthy weight. But heaven help me if that tenacity slops over into the dang-fool stubbornness I've seen in my family this week. I have no idea how to deal with this, and I'm ready to start slapping people. Really!

Mom won't do her at-home exercises the physical therapy people want her to, and she fell again yesterday. The PT is supposed to make her stronger so she won't fall so much, but she won't do the work to become stronger...so what are we to do? One major bone break and she will end up in a nursing home. But we can't force her to exercise. Dad won't push the issue, and I won't be here much longer. So we're stuck. The best I can do is 1) pray for her, and 2) try to remember this 30 years from now and not worry and frustrate my own kids....and 3) do the hard work now and keep it up for the rest of my life so maybe 30 years from now I won't even have these same issues.

As for Dad, his first time driving to the hospital to do our walking, he takes the EXACT route the doctor told him not to (dr says it's too dangerous for an elderly person). And he balks at the 10am-2pm limits (no school kids or factory workers on the road during those times, thus the safest times for him to drive). We had a BIG argument about it today, complete with my actually having to mention the possibility of removing his driver's license if he was not going to behave himself within the limits presented to him. Was I wrong? Perhaps. Maybe what I should do is let him go ahead and have an accident, pray it's only minor, and then let someone else answer the license question. I don't know. How does a loving daughter respectfully rein in a bit an 81 year old father? It's not an easy question to answer. He's a good driver, a wise man, and a wonderful dad. I hope he knows how much I love him.

So as I seek my own fitness, I am adjusting my goals. I want a hard body, a steel resolve to reach my goals, and a soft, loving heart that does not so closely resemble a MULE. In the meantime, please God, please protect the ones I love so very much. And help me to let go of the things I cannot change.

Today's Tip:
Change the thing you can. The prayer of St. Francis is awesome. It teaches us to let go of the things we can't change. But we often forget that the other part of the prayer is to change the things we can -- and that includes our fitness and weight. We DO have the power to change things. Little by little we CAN do it. Don't worry about what you can't change. But DO make the effort to change what you can!

Vroom, Vroom! Week 30, Day 5

I've lost another pound and a half. I'm not sure where, though. My clothes don't seem looser. Well, my shirts do a bit, but my jeans are still the same size. Never in my life has it EVER been easy to take weight off my butt. My boobs disappear in the blink of an eye, but my rear stays until the bitter end (terrible pun, right?). This has convinced me, once and for all, that life is just plain not fair. But when you get as big as I did, I guess any weight lost is okay, even if it's not all from the places I would have chosen. I just need to stay diligent with the leg lifts and walking.

Speaking of walking...and not walking, I took Dad out driving today for the first time since his surgery on March 1. He did really well. I only had to remind him of a couple of things. It wore him out, but it did a lot to lift his spirits to be back behind the wheel again. When I go back to Omaha, I'll be doing the same with Adam -- he's more than ready to get his driver's license, so I'll be taking him out to teach him to drive. Opposite ends of the age spectrum, and I get to help them both become independent and road-worthy. As a reward, I have a box of hair color for myself to cover the extra grey hairs I've been earning. I'll experiment with that when I get home and things settle down a bit. (They will settle down some day, right?) Pretty new hair color will look great with my new slimmer body, too! Woohoo!

Today's Tip:
Did you ever think of celery as a "power food"? The folks at Eat This, Not That do. It's among six of the power foods they recommend because celery has bone-beneficial silicon and cancer-fighting phenolic acids. But celery and the other power-filled five on the list are under-appreciated. Don't be missing out! Check out the list and explanations at >>>http://menshealth.r.delivery.net/r/c/r?2.1.3MK.2oN.166bcU.HTLVuc..H.Cxw8.1fXK.bW89MQ__DFcAFRN0

Silver Linings, Week 30, Day 3

Another pound and a half gone. At this rate I'm estimating I'm dropping about 10 pounds a week. Maybe more? Of course, this pace won't keep up forever, but I'm embracing the silver lining while it's here before the cloud goes away. The big thing for me right now is to keep up my activity while I'm going through this. It will help me keep whatever fitness I've gained, and it helps me keep my mind off the excruciating tooth pain. Since I'm not eating more than a couple hundred calories a day, I'm feelilng sort of weak. But I'm continuing to walk with Dad at the hospital (he's up to nearly three-quarters of a mile!) and do my leg lifts. I've done some work with my resistance bands, too, though not as much as before. Little by little... Dad's not happy that he's not progressing faster, but like I keep telling him, little by little, he and I both will reach our goals. I figure that by the end of summer, we're both going to be so fit and fabulous that no one will be able to keep us down! :)

Today's Tip:

Not all sugars are the same! Studies continue to show that high-fructose corn syrup is dangerous, and that while table sugar isn't great, it's a better choice than hfcs. This is from an article at Qualityhealth.com:

In 2004, researchers at the University of Louisiana hinted that an increase in
the use of high-fructose corn syrup in the United States since the 1970s
coincides with an increase in obesity rates in this country. Ever since then,
the sweetener has been maligned as one of the most dangerous food ingredients to
come along since refined white sugar.

A Princeton University study published in the March 18, 2010 issue of the journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior showed that rats fed high-fructose corn syrup became obese while rats fed equal amounts of sucrose (table sugar), did not gain extra weight. All other conditions, including total calorie intake, were equal. Lead researcher Bart Hoebel says this may mean that high-fructose corn syrup is more easily converted into fat in the body than table sugar.

Soup's On, Week 30, Day 2

Another 3 pounds gone. I've found that I can eat soup if it's lukewarm and if I drink it through a straw so it bypasses my teeth. So I'm getting some food, but I'm down to about 220 calories a day. Between a much lower caloric intake and walking about a half a mile a day with Dad, plus running errands for the folks, the weight is coming off pretty easily. Not the way I anticipated, and I think it's safe to say this isn't the most ideal way, but at least something good is coming of this.

Today's Tip:
Eating out doesn't have to destroy your diet. Eat This, Not That has a list of the 20 Best Restaurant Foods in America. Surprisingly, the list even includes something from Starbucks: their Perfect Oatmeal with Nut Medley and a Grande Americano. McDonald's Egg McMuffin makes the list, too, because of the 18 grams of protein. Though I question some of their choices from a weight-loss standpoint and certainly from the view of natural foods, their logic is explained, and this brief slideshow is worth a quick look >> http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/slideshow/20-best-restaurant-foods-america?cm_mmc=Yahoo-_-ETNT-_-Worst_Mall_Foods-_-20_Best_Restaurant_Foods_Slideshow

Getting at the Root of Things, Week 29, Day 6

I've lost another 7 pounds, but I've done it the hard way. The tooth I broke a few months ago finally gave out, and by the middle of last week the pain was bad enough I was unable to eat or sleep. A year of being unemployed means I have no money to get it fixed, so I'm pretty well stuck. I went to the community health center on Thursday and got some antibiotics, and I have an appointment for a root canal on May 5, but I have no way to pay for it. They said the cost will be $868. So if by some Internet miracle there is a philanthropist reading this who wants to help out a good-hearted but struggling person, my PayPal account is rabblebabble at hotmail dot com. I am happy to do some PR work or other writing in exchange for the help.

On the bright side of life, I went to Omaha on Sunday to celebrate Easter with Adam. I've missed him terribly, and it was great to spend the day with him. We went out to eat (I had a few bites of pasta --thank goodness the antibiotics had been working for a couple of days!), and then to a movie. One of the remarkable things about going to the movie is that I used to have a real big problem going to the theater, and this time I most certainly didn't. I used to have to find a parking spot as close to the enttrance as possible, then walk slowly, leaning on Adam all the way and sometimes having to stop midway to rest, then once inside, having to stop more along the hallway to the auditorium. This time, however, I didn't hesitate to take the first partking spot that came along -- which happened to be fairly far from the entrance, then I walked in and all the way to the auditorium -- which was the farthest one from the door, all without having to stop even once to rest. It was awesome -- I've made so much progress! After the movie, we went to Walmart to do some shopping, and I walked a bunch more -- and I wasn't even a bit tired!

Dad and I have been walking fairly regularly at the hospital, and he promises that once I move back over to Omaha, he will continue to keep walking on his own. He still has a ways to go before I can leave, though. He gets very tired after our walks, and he can only do one session a day so far. But I'm so thankful every time we go walking and so proud of him for working so hard to regain his strength! He and Mom are doing physical therapy three times a week at the hospital, too. I know it's terribly hard for them, but I'm so proud of them and so hopeful that this will be a good turning point for them.

It's all been good for me, too. A few months ago my walking had to be done at the grocery store so I could hold on to the cart. Now I walk on my own and carry weights with me. It started when I was carrying bags back and forth when Dad was in the hospital, and I've kept it up since then. Little by little the changes are happening. I have another 50 pounds to go -- a long way -- but I feel confident I can make it.

Today's Tip:
Resistance bands are a good alternative to weights. Mom and Dad have each been given resistance bands by their physical therapists. I broght my resistance bands with me to Iowa. They're affordable, effective, versatile, and very easily portable. I like using my weights at home, but when I can't be there, my resistance bands are a great option. Whether traveling, or to have at the office or other places, consider adding resistance bands to your fitness arsenal.

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings...Week 29, Day 1

I watched Biggest Loser tonight with someone I love dearly. But she hurt my feelings and made me cry. And I don't think she even realized what she did. When the contestants were being weighed in, one of her comments was, "Oh gross!" As I was explaining about Daris, a sweet young fellow who had never had a girlfriend, this young lady I was watching the show with said, "Well, of course not! Look at him!" I told her it was such a shame because Daris is a sweet guy and girls had been missing out on that because they only saw the outside, and it's sad this great guy got himself trapped in a fat body. And she said, "No one is ever trapped in circumstances. They can always do something about it." I quit talking about the show after that and changed the subject. When she left and my dad and I were talking about it later, I tried to be all grown up and well-adjusted about it, but I hurt too much. I cried. Only for a little bit. But I couldn't help but let a little of the hurt out.

I still love this person I watched the show with, of course. She's just young and has not experienced enough in life to readjust her ability to assess more deeply. But now I know what she thinks when she looks at me. I know it's not a lot different than what many think when they look at me. It's probably why it's been years since anyone has asked me out on a date. It has probably hurt me in my job hunt. I wonder if I would have been laid off last year if I had been thin. My boss was really skinny -- did she see me the same way the young lady tonight sees fat people and decide to move me to the top of the list of people to cut from the payroll? People online like me, but they haven't seen me. People who knew me years ago still like me, but they haven't seen me as a fat person. Will I only have value again when I'm either thin or invisible?

I'm feeling very sad and conflicted tonight. I'm sad because my relationship with this young lady has been damaged. Yes, I still love her, and I forgive her. She has many qualities that are absolutely wonderful. But I am hurt that she made such harsh judgments. I am sad, too, because I have always felt insecure about my appearance, even when I was thin. Now I'm feeling fat and ugly. And I know that's not the right way to think, but it's honestly how I feel right now and I can't help it. Some days I feel pretty, but today isn't one of them.

On the other hand, I want to stay focused and positive. I want to keep moving forward, and I want to get thin because it's healthy, not because I'm doing it to gain some sort of favor or acceptance from anyone else. I'm doing it for ME, and I want to keep doing it for me. I want to do it so I am stronger and more fit and can live a healthy, happy life for as long as possible. Outward beauty fades, whether you're thin or fat, so I can't do this just for that. And doing it to get others to like me is wrong, because if they don't like me because of my personality, faith, and values, then I don't want them for friends anyway. So I have to stay focused on good positive reasons why I'm doing this. And I KNOW I can do this. I'm stronger already. Little by little I've already lost a lot of weight, and little by little I'm going to lose more and get even stronger.

But today I'm feeling sad...and not so very strong. :(

Plus, Plus, Minus --Week 28, Day 7

Today was the day for stepping up the pace. This whole past month of traipsing around various hospitals, I haven't been wearing the new fitness shoes Adam bought me for Christmas. It seemed like an unnecessary stress at a time when I had enough stresses. But today I added them back to my walking routine. Plus, I started carrying 5 pound weights as I walk. PLUS, Dad and I worked up to a half a mile. All these pluses hopefully will lead more quickly to a bunch of minuses on the scale!

I had cream of wheat for breakfast and a half an onion and garlic bagel for lunch. Mom made dinner. Not so diet-friendly, but very nice of her -- spam, lots of potatoes with butter, and mixed veggies. I'll do extra leg lifts tonight to try to work it off. Choices. Sometimes not being rude is the better choice.

Today's Tip:
Prevention Magazine online is featuring 6 Eating Rules for Faster Weight Loss. Rule Number One is about Fiber:

Eat at least 20 grams of fiber per day from whole grains, fruits, and
vegetables. Fiber helps keep you feeling full longer—a big benefit when
you’re trying to lose weight. A 2009 study from Brigham Young University
College of Health and Human Performance demonstrated that women who ate more
fiber significantly lowered their risk of gaining weight and fat. Each gram
of fiber eaten correlated to 1/2 pound less body weight. The researchers
suspect that the higher fiber intake led to a reduction in total calories
over time.

To read more of the tips, go to Prevention at: http://online.prevention.com/6eatingrules/index.shtml

Where Do You Buy Normal? Week 28, Day 6

It will be another two or three more weeks before I can go home. I had been looking forward to going back to "normal" life, but I don't think that's possible. Something has happened this past month. I will not be returning as the same person. I will have lost weight, gained strength, faced fears, gone from Winter to Spring, and learned how to go from mournful tears to joyful smiles again. And somehow I will have to find a new "normal". I think I'll spend these next few weeks deciding what I want my new normal to be. I can do that -- times like this in life present a unique opportunity to make improvements and take quantum leaps forward. It can be uncomfortable to not have "normal" to go home to...almost scary. But I believe I chose to embrace this as a good thing. :)

I think back two months ago and remember being scared and sad about what was coming up with Dad. Afraid we were going to lose him, afraid I couldn't handle that, afraid I couldn't handle the terrible sadness and the decisions and the many other things that come along with losing the rock of the family. I was afraid that even if he survived, I wasn't physically strong enough yet to take care of him and Mom during his recovery after surgery. Since this all began, we came close to losing Dad far too many times, I have taken care of both Dad and Mom every day, and I have taken care of myself without anyone helping me. I have walked the halls of the hospitals, carrying suitcases and bags with me every day, several times a day. I have slept in chairs and on floors and gone days with only a few hours of sleep. Two months ago Adam had not been on his own and I had not ever been away from him for more than a week. When I return home again, I will be a stronger person in many ways and he will have spent two months on his own, also stronger in many ways.

Dad and I have begun walking together the past couple of days, just like we planned on doing before his second trip to the hospital. We've been going to the hospital to walk -- it's a location with places to sit if he gets tired, long hallways, medical help if he has trouble, and no pollen to bother his allergies. And he's doing great. We started out with him only able to go up and down the 250-foot hallway once, and today he did four times. Tomorrow I'll bet we do five or six.

He never did much walking or fitness activity before surgery, but the multiple complications after surgery really alarmed him. The doctor said a lot of it is that Dad is just an old man --or as the doctor more tactfully put it, Dad has had enough birthdays that it is harder for his body to bounce back. But Dad asked the doctor if there isn't something that Dad could do to help himself not only recover faster this time but also turn back the clock enough that in the future he can avoid some of the troubles he faced this time. The doctor said the best thing he can do is to walk -- it increases his lung capacity, helps his cells function better, improves his cardio fitness, and just generally boosts his body's overall strength and ability to fight. Dad will never be a young man again, of course, but if he can turn the clock back even just five years, his body will be better off. Dad was scared enough and frustrated enough by this past month's medical troubles that he is determined to do his part to make things better, so it takes no persuasion at all to get him to go walking each day. He's ready to go! I hope when I go back to my home, we will have created a habit and Dad will keep up the new walking lifestyle.

Today's Tip:
Don't wait until something medically catastrophic in life to establish better fitness habits. Dad had to nearly die before he became enthusiastic about walking. But life is enhanced and even preserved when we take care of our bodies, and even something as simple as walking a bit each day can make a big difference. We get to decide what our "normal" is, and now is a good time to make better fitness a part of our daily "normal".

50 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Week 28, Day 5

Okay, so today came and the world didn't end. I'm living proof that turning 50 is okay. Actually, around 11:30 last night I did have a bit of a pity party and cried for awhile. No matter how okay I've been with it all, 50 takes a bit to wrap your head around, and when it came right down to it, I wasn't quite ready to give up being in my 40s. But Adam texted me at 12:16 to wish me happy birthday and then phoned, and I realized how lucky I am to have a kid who would stay up past midnight so he could be the first one to talk to me on my birthday. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're in the middle of being blessed!

I ate well today -- yogurt for breakfast and a tossed salad with grilled chicken for lunch. Dinner was not quite as diet-friendly, but it was very yummy. Mom made chicken and dumplings with carrots. The dumplings, of course, were the part that didn't fit the diet so well. But ooo they tasted so good! My sister brought sugar-free jello. When Mom and I went to the store this morning, I could tell that my having a birthday cake was really important to her, so she and I worked together to put together a dessert that would be festive and still fit with my diet. I ended up with a very yummy angel food cake topped with bananas, sugar-free whipped topping, and sugar-free caramel topping. It tasted quite decadent, but I feel like it probably had far fewer calories than a traditional yellow cake with frosting.

Today's Tip:

My sister gave me a gift that I think is a great idea. She got me a rainbow colored placemat and matching bowls in various sizes, salad plate for my entrees (smaller size so I eat less than I would with a full-sized dinner plate), and mug. The purpose of the dishes and placemat is to ensure that every meal is a pleasant occasion no matter what I'm eating rather than a mindless boring act. And in another bag she put various treats to enjoy on my new dishes -- soups, bagels, fruits, salad, each having only one Weight Watchers point value. It was a great gift idea, particularly for a single person like me. When you eat alone, it's so easy for mealtime to become a mindless act done off a paper towel in front of the TV or at the kitchen counter. Dishes like this makes mealtime become more purposeful, and thus much easier to be aware of the content of the food, the calories, the nutrition, and the enjoyment of eating. If you know a single person, think about a gift like this the next time a special occasion arises in their lives. It's a great way to let them know how special they are to you!

24 Hours to Go Before OLD?, Week 28, Day 4

This is the final day before I turn 50. Seems like a good day to reflect on how I have spent my 40s and my youth in general. In the short-term, I weighed myself this morning, and I am at 198. So while I did not hit my 50 by 50 Challenge, I did make it under 200 pounds by my 50th birthday. Considering my dad's two stays in the hospitals and the multiple times we came so very close to losing him these past few weeks, I'll count this as a major triumph in my weight loss journey. I began last September at 259, so I've done pretty well. My next goal is to bring my total weight loss to 100 pounds by this coming September. I think that's very doable.

As for the longer-term view and how I spent my 40s, I look back and see some wasted time and some mistakes that distress me greatly. I missed some opportunities and trusted some people I shouldn't have. I didn't trust myself when I should have. I let myself down physically, too, and got huge. On the other hand, I've had some major accomplishments. In my 40s I worked with Senators Kennedy and Grassley, at their request, on the Family Opportunity Act, speaking at press conferences with them, appearing on CNN and CSPAN, doing TV and newspaper interviews, and in 2006, the bill was signed into law. I made a major career shift in my 40s, finding the courage to finally pursue my dreams. Because of that I am now a published author with many dozens of articles, two books, miscellaneous other pieces, and a couple of awards to my credit. It's not just what I want to be, it's what I do for a living. And most importantly, it has inspired my kids to pursue their dreams -- without waiting until their 40s to do so. And in my 40s I launched my kids into adulthood, gracefully became a loving mother-in-law, and enthusiastically became a grandma, letting it make me feel youthful again instead of feeling old. And I have ended my 40s by losing 61 pounds. With my great friends and family at my side, I think I'm ready to be 50.