I've been at this a full month, and today my weight sits at 249. Ten pounds gone -- not as much as I was hoping for by this date, but I'm okay with it. Not only are 10 pounds gone, but I'm also able to walk more than I could, and I've changed my dumbbells from 5 pounds to 8 pounds. I call that a month of success!
I walked again tonight, the fourth night in a row. I couldn't do as much tonight because I'm really sore. But according to my pedometer, I did a third of a mile, this time with no brief breaks. Add to that the roughly three miles in the three previous nights combined -- not too bad for a previously-sedentary person with a bad back and asthma. :) Adam suggested that I take a rest from walking tomorrow since I'm so sore tonight. We'll see. I'm leaning toward going ahead and heading out to walk anyway since there will be plenty of days in the coming months of winter when I won't be able to go out.
Food...I wasn't such a good girl about that today. I had pasta and chicken with a cheese sauce for dinner. Not a lot of it. My stomach has shrunken, and I can't hold as much as I used to. But still... What happened was that I baked a family-sized package of chicken breasts, and with some of it I made soup, and with the rest of it Adam made dinner. He knows I like pasta, chicken, and cheese and he wasn't thinking about the diet I'm on. He's a really good cook, so it tasted wonderful. He tried something while cooking the pasta that he had learned in a book about the Culinary Institute of America. Not a big deal, but it added some subtle but wonderful flavor to the overall meal -- he put the seasonings in the pasta water so the pasta picked up the flavors of the spices. He wants to much to go to the culinary institute here in Omaha. I wish we were financially set enough that he could do that. Someday... In the meantime, if he makes me something for dinner that isn't diet-friendly, I'm NOT going to refuse to eat it or even mention the diet. He's such a sensitive, caring son -- I'm so fortunate -- and I would never want him to feel bad about something he created for me.
Of course, tonight was another episode of the Biggest Loser. I'm kind of disappointed this season. Most of the contestants seem rather petty. I have yet to see any focus on Daniel, the young guy they brought back from another season to finish his rather daunting journey, or on Abby as she struggles through this (she's the lady who lost her husband and two children in a car accident). Like Abby said earlier, if she can get up every morning and work on her weight loss, anybody can! Instead they focus on the soap-opera-esque squabbles and machinations by all too many of this seasons contestants. I want to be educated and inspired like I was in previous seasons! I used to feel like these were people just like me. This time I'm glad they and I have nothing in common.
Still, for all my disappointment with this season, I did get a good tip tonight. Bob Harper, one of the trainers, suggested a different type of push-ups for those of us who can't do regular push-ups yet. He called them wall push-ups. Stand a bit away from the wall, put your arms straight out in front of you so your hands are on the wall, and push away. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it's less stressful because you're not pushing up against gravity. He said you could also lean onto a desk or table and push away. I'm going to give it a try! If I can do that kind of push-up for now, then sooner or later I'll be able to do the regular kind. And in the meantime, I'll have a little more variety in my routine -- something to do when my legs are too tired from walking. :)
And so it goes... another week of work ahead. Miles to walk, calories to count, and a slimmer, healthier me to pursue.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Week 4, Day 7
What a great day! Good reading done this morning. Good food choices (turkey sandwich, lettuce, tomato, no mayo or mustard) while having dinner with good friends. Resisted the STRONG temptation to have cannoli for dessert. Walked about a mile afterward. And now settling in for a rented movie from Blockbuster.
I'm sore as heck since I've gotten in more walking these past three days than I've done in a long time, but it's an awesome soreness! I don't know why the pain in my back has diminished so much, but I feel like I've been set free and will finally be able to get in a serious amount of work on this whole weight loss thing. I've got a ways to go. I still need to lean on the cart for a bit of support while I walk. And I still have to make brief stops along the way to catch my breath. But I'm so happy that my legs are sore and getting the workout needed to get strong again! Could it be that someday in the not-so-distant future I'll be a healthy weight AND able to function like a normal member of the human race? You bet I will!
Congrats to my friend Ann Marie who is not only also losing weight using the Biggest Loser as inspiration, but she just closed on a new home today -- her first. AND this woman is managing to handle this major life change without turning to junk food or sweet stuff to help get her through it all. Wow! She's s eating all the right stuff, going to the gym religiously, and has lost 11 pounds. Way to go, Ann Marie!
All the kind messages of encouragement and advice I've been getting since I started this I've been copying to a Word document so I can save them and review them each day. It helps me stay focused, and it helps me remain accountable, knowing there are kind, loving people who will be sad for me if I give up. That's very powerful! I posted something on my Facebook status that I want to record here also because it struck me as an unusual source of encouragement....
Yesterday I posted something here about how Whole Foods Market will give a 10 percent discount to those who purchase an entire case of a product. Then I sent a message to Whole Foods to let them know that I shared that info in this blog. I've done marketing for years and years, and I know it helps for companies to know when something is word-of-mouth worthy. And this is what they sent in response: "Thanks for shopping and wishing you strength for your journey. Please let us know if we can be supportive of your new suit!" Imagine that....they took time to read A New Suit and to send a message. In this world with good customer service being a rare occurrence, I'm shocked to find a place that cares enough to read someone's blog and reach out to them with encouragement. Way cool!
I've got a bowl of mixed veggies to munch on instead of popcorn, and now it's time to watch that rented movie I mentioned earlier. Here's to healthy choices!
I'm sore as heck since I've gotten in more walking these past three days than I've done in a long time, but it's an awesome soreness! I don't know why the pain in my back has diminished so much, but I feel like I've been set free and will finally be able to get in a serious amount of work on this whole weight loss thing. I've got a ways to go. I still need to lean on the cart for a bit of support while I walk. And I still have to make brief stops along the way to catch my breath. But I'm so happy that my legs are sore and getting the workout needed to get strong again! Could it be that someday in the not-so-distant future I'll be a healthy weight AND able to function like a normal member of the human race? You bet I will!
Congrats to my friend Ann Marie who is not only also losing weight using the Biggest Loser as inspiration, but she just closed on a new home today -- her first. AND this woman is managing to handle this major life change without turning to junk food or sweet stuff to help get her through it all. Wow! She's s eating all the right stuff, going to the gym religiously, and has lost 11 pounds. Way to go, Ann Marie!
All the kind messages of encouragement and advice I've been getting since I started this I've been copying to a Word document so I can save them and review them each day. It helps me stay focused, and it helps me remain accountable, knowing there are kind, loving people who will be sad for me if I give up. That's very powerful! I posted something on my Facebook status that I want to record here also because it struck me as an unusual source of encouragement....
Yesterday I posted something here about how Whole Foods Market will give a 10 percent discount to those who purchase an entire case of a product. Then I sent a message to Whole Foods to let them know that I shared that info in this blog. I've done marketing for years and years, and I know it helps for companies to know when something is word-of-mouth worthy. And this is what they sent in response: "Thanks for shopping and wishing you strength for your journey. Please let us know if we can be supportive of your new suit!" Imagine that....they took time to read A New Suit and to send a message. In this world with good customer service being a rare occurrence, I'm shocked to find a place that cares enough to read someone's blog and reach out to them with encouragement. Way cool!
I've got a bowl of mixed veggies to munch on instead of popcorn, and now it's time to watch that rented movie I mentioned earlier. Here's to healthy choices!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Week 4, Day 6
Today is a great day. Minimal pain again, and tons of energy to burn. No junk goes in my body today -- willpower is turbocharged. And I'm headed to Target to do some walking. My goal is to put in an hour. When I get strong enough, my goal is to put ankle weights on when I do my walking. Not there yet, of course, but that's what I'm aiming for.
Today's Tip: Whole Foods offers a discount if you order things by the case. Not a huge discount -- just 10 percent -- but it all helps! Just as a Whole Foods clerk, and they'll hook you up.
Today's Tip: Whole Foods offers a discount if you order things by the case. Not a huge discount -- just 10 percent -- but it all helps! Just as a Whole Foods clerk, and they'll hook you up.
Week 4, Day 5
Okay, today was an awesome day. A little iffy in the middle, but overall one of the better days I've had in a few months. Good food choices, a mile and a half or more of walking at a brisk pace, and a fun evening out. Can't beat it!
I woke up with pain, as usual. But once I got going, the pain went away. I don't know why or what I did right. But I felt really good! Not knowing how tomorrow will be, I took advantage of the lack of pain and walked as much as I could. Adam and I went out and got a new cable for my monitor at Best Buy, and I walked around the store, up and down aisles.
We stopped at a place called Jason's Deli for lunch. I got a turkey sandwich with tomatoes and lettuce leaves. Cheese came with it, so I took the slices of bread that had cheese melted on to them and set them aside, not eating them at all. Baked chips came with it, too, and I ate a few and left the rest.
I thought Adam was going out tonight, so about 6 o'clock I ate a chicken sandwich. Unfortunately, by 7:30 he was still home and he was unhappy because his plans didn't work out. So we went out and had dinner and a movie.
Since I had already had a sandwich at home, I ordered a salad -- Mesquite chicken, lettuce, corn relish and some other stuff. Seemed like a basically diet-friendly thing to order. I knew it would be big, so I planned on eating just a little bit of it and taking the rest home. Wrong. The thing was so terribly spicy hot that even my lips burned. I'm not a fan of hot food anyway, but then to have a salad that burned like that was not even close to fun. I asked for a menu so I could see what was in the salad, and nothing indicated to me that it was going to be so hot that it would burn my lips, my tongue, the sides of my mouth and my gums. The waitress was nice and without my requesting it, she asked the manager to remove it from our bill. Chili's is a decent place to eat, but never order their salads!
Since I hadn't be able to eat the salad, I was tempted to order a bit of dessert. The temptation got even greater when I asked Adam if he wanted any, and he said he didn't have room to eat a whole dessert by himself. Hmmm....if we split a dessert, it wouldn't be that many calories. It wouldn't be so bad. WRONG! It is bad. I didn't need the sugar, and I didn't need the calories. And truthfully, I wasn't even hungry. So I didn't give in.
The movie was good. We parked at one end of the parking lot, and the auditorium was the furthest away from our car, so I got some good walking in just getting to our seats and back to the car. Also, no popcorn. Adam got me Junior Mints, and I only had a few. Really! The rest of the box of mints came home with me and is put away for another day. And I had a bottle of water instead of soda. Good thing I didn't have a big tub of popcorn. We saw Zombieland, and thought it's not a scary movie, parts of it are very startling and I jumped a few times. The kind of jumping that ends up tossing popcorn all over the people nearby. Lack of popcorn -- another good reason to be on a diet. :)
It is a little bit chilly tonight. A brisk and invigorating chill , not the kind that makes you shiver. So I didn't feel like going home when we got out of the theater. I wanted to do something. Anything. Even though it was just a little before 11 o'clock, we decided to go to Walmart so I could walk around a bit. Like I said, I took advantage of the lack of pain!
From 11:15 to midnight I walked at a brisk pace. And not just "brisk for me". I think even normal people would think I was going at a pretty good clip. I stopped and rested for about 30 seconds to a minute now and then to catch my breath, and then I'd keep on going. I went around the store twice, going up and down each aisle in each section. Not window shopping or stopping to peruse. Actual walking. Though I did not yet have a pedometer, I feel certain that 45 minutes of walking has to have been at least a mile. I have a pedometer now -- one of my rest stops was in front of the exercise equipment and I grabbed a pedometer before continuing on.
So that's how my Saturday went. A good day! I hope yours was, too.
I woke up with pain, as usual. But once I got going, the pain went away. I don't know why or what I did right. But I felt really good! Not knowing how tomorrow will be, I took advantage of the lack of pain and walked as much as I could. Adam and I went out and got a new cable for my monitor at Best Buy, and I walked around the store, up and down aisles.
We stopped at a place called Jason's Deli for lunch. I got a turkey sandwich with tomatoes and lettuce leaves. Cheese came with it, so I took the slices of bread that had cheese melted on to them and set them aside, not eating them at all. Baked chips came with it, too, and I ate a few and left the rest.
I thought Adam was going out tonight, so about 6 o'clock I ate a chicken sandwich. Unfortunately, by 7:30 he was still home and he was unhappy because his plans didn't work out. So we went out and had dinner and a movie.
Since I had already had a sandwich at home, I ordered a salad -- Mesquite chicken, lettuce, corn relish and some other stuff. Seemed like a basically diet-friendly thing to order. I knew it would be big, so I planned on eating just a little bit of it and taking the rest home. Wrong. The thing was so terribly spicy hot that even my lips burned. I'm not a fan of hot food anyway, but then to have a salad that burned like that was not even close to fun. I asked for a menu so I could see what was in the salad, and nothing indicated to me that it was going to be so hot that it would burn my lips, my tongue, the sides of my mouth and my gums. The waitress was nice and without my requesting it, she asked the manager to remove it from our bill. Chili's is a decent place to eat, but never order their salads!
Since I hadn't be able to eat the salad, I was tempted to order a bit of dessert. The temptation got even greater when I asked Adam if he wanted any, and he said he didn't have room to eat a whole dessert by himself. Hmmm....if we split a dessert, it wouldn't be that many calories. It wouldn't be so bad. WRONG! It is bad. I didn't need the sugar, and I didn't need the calories. And truthfully, I wasn't even hungry. So I didn't give in.
The movie was good. We parked at one end of the parking lot, and the auditorium was the furthest away from our car, so I got some good walking in just getting to our seats and back to the car. Also, no popcorn. Adam got me Junior Mints, and I only had a few. Really! The rest of the box of mints came home with me and is put away for another day. And I had a bottle of water instead of soda. Good thing I didn't have a big tub of popcorn. We saw Zombieland, and thought it's not a scary movie, parts of it are very startling and I jumped a few times. The kind of jumping that ends up tossing popcorn all over the people nearby. Lack of popcorn -- another good reason to be on a diet. :)
It is a little bit chilly tonight. A brisk and invigorating chill , not the kind that makes you shiver. So I didn't feel like going home when we got out of the theater. I wanted to do something. Anything. Even though it was just a little before 11 o'clock, we decided to go to Walmart so I could walk around a bit. Like I said, I took advantage of the lack of pain!
From 11:15 to midnight I walked at a brisk pace. And not just "brisk for me". I think even normal people would think I was going at a pretty good clip. I stopped and rested for about 30 seconds to a minute now and then to catch my breath, and then I'd keep on going. I went around the store twice, going up and down each aisle in each section. Not window shopping or stopping to peruse. Actual walking. Though I did not yet have a pedometer, I feel certain that 45 minutes of walking has to have been at least a mile. I have a pedometer now -- one of my rest stops was in front of the exercise equipment and I grabbed a pedometer before continuing on.
So that's how my Saturday went. A good day! I hope yours was, too.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Week 4, Days 3 and 4
When I started this, I intended to do a blog posting each day. But I skipped writing yesterday. I skipped doing anything at all yesterday except sleep and eat a sandwich. I'm really tired of hurting. I hope I don't have anymore days when it just plain hurts too bad to stay awake.
Today was better. It still took me a couple of hours to get past the pain, but at least I made it downstairs where I waited for the second wave of muscle cramps to stop before getting ready to "start" the day. Got some errands run and met with a friend for dinner. Nothing in the way of exercise other than just being up and around doing normal stuff and a little bit of time on the bike. I hurt tonight, but it's mostly soreness I think is caused by the weather changing do drastically. Snow in the Big O tomorrow. (What happened to autumn?)
With snow tomorrow, I think it will be a good day to make another batch of soup. Chicken this time. Adam has a non-date ("we're just friends"), so I'll be alone. But there will be plenty left over for him to have on Sunday. The chicken is in a big family-pack, so while the soup is simmering, I'll bake the remaining chicken that wasn't used in the soup. That way I'll have healthy dinners practically already made for the coming week --one of the "tips" they always give on the Biggest Loser.
Sounds like a plan!
Today was better. It still took me a couple of hours to get past the pain, but at least I made it downstairs where I waited for the second wave of muscle cramps to stop before getting ready to "start" the day. Got some errands run and met with a friend for dinner. Nothing in the way of exercise other than just being up and around doing normal stuff and a little bit of time on the bike. I hurt tonight, but it's mostly soreness I think is caused by the weather changing do drastically. Snow in the Big O tomorrow. (What happened to autumn?)
With snow tomorrow, I think it will be a good day to make another batch of soup. Chicken this time. Adam has a non-date ("we're just friends"), so I'll be alone. But there will be plenty left over for him to have on Sunday. The chicken is in a big family-pack, so while the soup is simmering, I'll bake the remaining chicken that wasn't used in the soup. That way I'll have healthy dinners practically already made for the coming week --one of the "tips" they always give on the Biggest Loser.
Sounds like a plan!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Week 4, Day 2
Men have it so much easier when they're on diets. No hormones to battle with. I'm bloated, my back hurts, I'm tired, I cry for no reason and feel like life itself it ending, and I would kill to be able to eat a bag of dark chocolate Dove thingies. Thank goodness I've been at this female stuff long enough to know in a few days I'll be better. In the meantime, the diet is really, REALLY hard.
I walked for 15 minutes, ate an egg sandwich, four bites of custard, and a chef salad with a tablespoon of raspberry vinaigrette dressing (and no croutons). Did I work off the food I ate? Probably not. Did I avoid the candy aisle while I was walking at the grocery store? Definitely. Small victories. But I'll take them.
I walked for 15 minutes, ate an egg sandwich, four bites of custard, and a chef salad with a tablespoon of raspberry vinaigrette dressing (and no croutons). Did I work off the food I ate? Probably not. Did I avoid the candy aisle while I was walking at the grocery store? Definitely. Small victories. But I'll take them.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Week 4, Day 1
Crap. A one pound gain this week. My trouser legs are getting looser, so I don't understand how I could have gained a pound. With painful spasms so bad that sometimes I just drop to the floor in tears and unable to move, I'm not sure how I'm going to put in more time exercising. But clearly I've got to find a way. Crap, crap, crap. I thought I'd been doing well. Watching what I eat, biking and walking more than I had been...even when it hurt. But here I am a pound heavier than I was last week. And to top it off, as I sat here writing this, a gnat flew up my nose.
I want a chocolate eclair. :(
I want a chocolate eclair. :(
Monday, October 5, 2009
Week 3, Day 7
I doubted myself last night. The soup was simple to make, of course. But as the meat was simmering, it smelled like an old dirty dog. I did NOT have great hopes for what the finished meal would taste like. But after the soup had been on the stove for a few hours and by the time Adam got home from work, the house was smelling marvelous, and the soup tasted delicious. No hint of icky dog! We each had two bowls of it, and there was enough left over for likewise tonight.
I should have been walking and biking today since it's the last day before the weigh in tomorrow. But I just didn't have it in me. I've been completely worn out all day and feel bloated and icky. I sneaked a look at the scales, and it's not looking good. And that, of course, only makes me feel depressed on top of being worn out. Not one of my favorite days.
Today I've eaten a chicken and fat-free cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread, a bowl of soup, and a container of yogurt. Maybe more than I should have eaten since I haven't done anything to work it off. I don't know. I've heard that you shouldn't eat too little or your body will start hoarding fat. But I've also heard that to lose weight, you should only eat no more than what you can burn off. I'll figure it out another day.
Thank goodness tomorrow isn't Monday.
ADDENDUM: After posting this, I got a lovely call from my friend Bonnie. She and I have been friends since we were teenagers. I'm so fortunate to have friends who have been a part of my life for such a long time! I feel very blessed. We talked for a couple of hours and probably could have gone on for longer. At the end of the conversation, she gave me such a wonderful pep talk about my quest for a New Suit. She loves me and believes in me, and I know there are others who do, too. What a great way to turn around a day that seemed so depressing!
God bless my friends, each and every one, new and long-time and those I haven't even met yet. Bonnie, Charlotte, Susan, Beth, Ann Marie, Hunter, Sharon, Rae, Chessly, Bridget, Carolyn, Mindy and so many more not listed here -- you've all offered me such wonderful encouragement, helpful suggestions, and unconditional love as I work toward a healthier and more fit me. I love and appreciate you all so very much! It is because of you and my family that my life has been richer, fuller, and more beautiful than anyone even has a right to hope for.
Thanks for calling, Bonnie. :)
I should have been walking and biking today since it's the last day before the weigh in tomorrow. But I just didn't have it in me. I've been completely worn out all day and feel bloated and icky. I sneaked a look at the scales, and it's not looking good. And that, of course, only makes me feel depressed on top of being worn out. Not one of my favorite days.
Today I've eaten a chicken and fat-free cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread, a bowl of soup, and a container of yogurt. Maybe more than I should have eaten since I haven't done anything to work it off. I don't know. I've heard that you shouldn't eat too little or your body will start hoarding fat. But I've also heard that to lose weight, you should only eat no more than what you can burn off. I'll figure it out another day.
Thank goodness tomorrow isn't Monday.
ADDENDUM: After posting this, I got a lovely call from my friend Bonnie. She and I have been friends since we were teenagers. I'm so fortunate to have friends who have been a part of my life for such a long time! I feel very blessed. We talked for a couple of hours and probably could have gone on for longer. At the end of the conversation, she gave me such a wonderful pep talk about my quest for a New Suit. She loves me and believes in me, and I know there are others who do, too. What a great way to turn around a day that seemed so depressing!
God bless my friends, each and every one, new and long-time and those I haven't even met yet. Bonnie, Charlotte, Susan, Beth, Ann Marie, Hunter, Sharon, Rae, Chessly, Bridget, Carolyn, Mindy and so many more not listed here -- you've all offered me such wonderful encouragement, helpful suggestions, and unconditional love as I work toward a healthier and more fit me. I love and appreciate you all so very much! It is because of you and my family that my life has been richer, fuller, and more beautiful than anyone even has a right to hope for.
Thanks for calling, Bonnie. :)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Week 3, Day 6
I just got back from a brisk 30-minute walk up and down the aisles at the supermarket (brisk for me -- still not what a "normal" person would consider lively at all, but I'm not giving up just because I'm slow right now). Got a bunch of green onions to put in the soup and a couple of bananas (that will NOT go in the soup!).
The only sections I purposely avoided were the bakery and the soda and chips area. But it was pretty easy to avoid them. After my yummy splurge last night, I wasn't craving anything sweet. Even the candy bars at the checkout line didn't tempt me. So now I'm pretty well convinced that allowing myself a splurge once a week will actually help me instead of being a stumbling block.
So now the beef is simmering in a mixture of water, onions, garlic, salt, and bouillon. I'll let that stay on the stove on low heat for a few hours, then add the veggies and remaining water closer to the end of the process. At the very end, I'll toss in a couple of hands of noodles. Then voila, 8 quarts of soup for dinner tonight and lunches this coming week.
It's all so simple to make. I don't know why I got out of the habit of making soups and instead into the habit of just grabbing a quick burger at Sonic. I guess that's how the weight creeps on -- before you notice, bad habits sneak in and like a snowball at top of the hill, but the time things have gone noticeably downhill, you realize you butt is huge and you can't hardly move anymore.
I had more than simple bad habits working against me, though. Here's a bit of my story:
Years of taking prednisone because of my asthma put about a hundred pounds on. I remember watching the first 20 pounds come on in the first month and being appalled, not only at the weight but at the speed at which it arrived. But the prednisone made it so I could breathe, so I figured a few extra pounds weren't all that bad. I was wrong, of course.
Then when Adam was going through so much surgery and so many months, day after day, of grueling physical therapy, I kept my sanity by medicating myself with chocolate. What he went through breaks some moms -- I've seen it happen. But not me. I held on and held the torch to light the way as I helped others make their way through it all, too. I blogged, I sat with families during their child's surgeries, I spent hours answering questions by email. I went to DC and lobbied for health care legislative change for families with special needs children. The Family Opportunity Act, passed in 2006, was inspired by our family. I spoke at seminars at National Childrens Hospital, teaching parents with special needs kids how to advocate for their children. And I worked full-time, homeschooled my kids, and raised my boys as a single parent.
I was described as a "dynamo" and a "tower of strength". But the truth was far different. I was scared and weak. I knew if I slowed down or thought about it all too long, I would simply sit down, start crying, and never get up again. If it hadn't been for the love of friends, the support of my mom and dad (Mom came out to Maryland for all the major surgeries and stayed for about a month each time), a great job, and a wonderful church family, then not even chocolate could have helped. I wouldn't have made it and couldn't have faked those more noble qualities as well as I did. But still...scared and weak made chocolate a necessity. And over time that made my butt big.
Once Adam's medical needs were essentially over, I didn't fare well. After seven years working for the same company, the job I loved completely fell apart. With a major asthma episode involving broken ribs and an unfortunate 4-day stay in the emergency room of a hospital in Portland, Oregon, my health was messed up. And somehow I had to figure out how to redefine and rebuild my life. Instead, I fell apart. I moved back to the Midwest and lived with my parents for two years. I tried to take the opportunity to lose weight then, but it didn't work. It wasn't until 2005 that I was able to move out on my own and face a new definition of "normal".
But I haven't really felt good since then. I haven't had energy or focus. I hurt more and more, and can move less and less. And I've been ashamed of the way I look. In fact, it's been over 10 years since I've had a mirror in my home. I just haven't been able to stand the sight of the truth.
But one night in Sept 2007 I was flipping TV channels when I came across the Biggest Loser show. It was amazing. I saw people who looked just like me -- daring to sow their ripples and rolls and waddles. I saw them struggle to eat right. I saw them work hard to exercise and burn fat while building some muscles. And I started working right along with them. Seven months later I was 60 pounds lighter.
Stresses at work too numerable, weird, and sad to bother discussing here made any thoughts of health and fitness seem almost laughable. Eighteen-hour days with very few breaks during any day made exercise nearly impossible and quick eating of whatever was handy nearly a necessity. Far too many of those 60 pounds came back. So really, in many ways one of the best things to happen to me was when the company I was working for finally went down the toilet enough for me to be laid off.
That happened in February of this year. It took me a bit of work to assimilate the bizarre work life of the previous few years. There was some hurt and anger. Some sense of "what now?". And a bit of depression at feeling once again like a failure. In my late 40-something years, I should be more settled, better set in my life than I am. I'm getting really tired of continually starting over. But I have come to the conclusion that I am talented, skilled, and intelligent. Bad things happen to good people. And I deserve to be treated well, so it's high time I start doing that -- it MUST begin with me or I'll never be able to legitimately expect anyone else to treat me well.
So here I am. Self-employed and self-improving. I'm not just losing weight, I'm changing my lifestyle so I can be truly healthy. In the process, my back will feel better, and though I will always have asthma, I will be able to breathe better. I will be doing my best to be here to enjoy my children and grandchildren for many years to come. And I'm expecting that those years will be filled with much more energy and zest than I have in my life right now.
So, how was YOUR day?
The only sections I purposely avoided were the bakery and the soda and chips area. But it was pretty easy to avoid them. After my yummy splurge last night, I wasn't craving anything sweet. Even the candy bars at the checkout line didn't tempt me. So now I'm pretty well convinced that allowing myself a splurge once a week will actually help me instead of being a stumbling block.
So now the beef is simmering in a mixture of water, onions, garlic, salt, and bouillon. I'll let that stay on the stove on low heat for a few hours, then add the veggies and remaining water closer to the end of the process. At the very end, I'll toss in a couple of hands of noodles. Then voila, 8 quarts of soup for dinner tonight and lunches this coming week.
It's all so simple to make. I don't know why I got out of the habit of making soups and instead into the habit of just grabbing a quick burger at Sonic. I guess that's how the weight creeps on -- before you notice, bad habits sneak in and like a snowball at top of the hill, but the time things have gone noticeably downhill, you realize you butt is huge and you can't hardly move anymore.
I had more than simple bad habits working against me, though. Here's a bit of my story:
Years of taking prednisone because of my asthma put about a hundred pounds on. I remember watching the first 20 pounds come on in the first month and being appalled, not only at the weight but at the speed at which it arrived. But the prednisone made it so I could breathe, so I figured a few extra pounds weren't all that bad. I was wrong, of course.
Then when Adam was going through so much surgery and so many months, day after day, of grueling physical therapy, I kept my sanity by medicating myself with chocolate. What he went through breaks some moms -- I've seen it happen. But not me. I held on and held the torch to light the way as I helped others make their way through it all, too. I blogged, I sat with families during their child's surgeries, I spent hours answering questions by email. I went to DC and lobbied for health care legislative change for families with special needs children. The Family Opportunity Act, passed in 2006, was inspired by our family. I spoke at seminars at National Childrens Hospital, teaching parents with special needs kids how to advocate for their children. And I worked full-time, homeschooled my kids, and raised my boys as a single parent.
I was described as a "dynamo" and a "tower of strength". But the truth was far different. I was scared and weak. I knew if I slowed down or thought about it all too long, I would simply sit down, start crying, and never get up again. If it hadn't been for the love of friends, the support of my mom and dad (Mom came out to Maryland for all the major surgeries and stayed for about a month each time), a great job, and a wonderful church family, then not even chocolate could have helped. I wouldn't have made it and couldn't have faked those more noble qualities as well as I did. But still...scared and weak made chocolate a necessity. And over time that made my butt big.
Once Adam's medical needs were essentially over, I didn't fare well. After seven years working for the same company, the job I loved completely fell apart. With a major asthma episode involving broken ribs and an unfortunate 4-day stay in the emergency room of a hospital in Portland, Oregon, my health was messed up. And somehow I had to figure out how to redefine and rebuild my life. Instead, I fell apart. I moved back to the Midwest and lived with my parents for two years. I tried to take the opportunity to lose weight then, but it didn't work. It wasn't until 2005 that I was able to move out on my own and face a new definition of "normal".
But I haven't really felt good since then. I haven't had energy or focus. I hurt more and more, and can move less and less. And I've been ashamed of the way I look. In fact, it's been over 10 years since I've had a mirror in my home. I just haven't been able to stand the sight of the truth.
But one night in Sept 2007 I was flipping TV channels when I came across the Biggest Loser show. It was amazing. I saw people who looked just like me -- daring to sow their ripples and rolls and waddles. I saw them struggle to eat right. I saw them work hard to exercise and burn fat while building some muscles. And I started working right along with them. Seven months later I was 60 pounds lighter.
Stresses at work too numerable, weird, and sad to bother discussing here made any thoughts of health and fitness seem almost laughable. Eighteen-hour days with very few breaks during any day made exercise nearly impossible and quick eating of whatever was handy nearly a necessity. Far too many of those 60 pounds came back. So really, in many ways one of the best things to happen to me was when the company I was working for finally went down the toilet enough for me to be laid off.
That happened in February of this year. It took me a bit of work to assimilate the bizarre work life of the previous few years. There was some hurt and anger. Some sense of "what now?". And a bit of depression at feeling once again like a failure. In my late 40-something years, I should be more settled, better set in my life than I am. I'm getting really tired of continually starting over. But I have come to the conclusion that I am talented, skilled, and intelligent. Bad things happen to good people. And I deserve to be treated well, so it's high time I start doing that -- it MUST begin with me or I'll never be able to legitimately expect anyone else to treat me well.
So here I am. Self-employed and self-improving. I'm not just losing weight, I'm changing my lifestyle so I can be truly healthy. In the process, my back will feel better, and though I will always have asthma, I will be able to breathe better. I will be doing my best to be here to enjoy my children and grandchildren for many years to come. And I'm expecting that those years will be filled with much more energy and zest than I have in my life right now.
So, how was YOUR day?
Week 3, Day 5
I finally got my soup pot, and I'm really happy with it. It's a T-Fal 8-quart non-stick (inside and out) pot with a glass lid. I also got some chicken bouillon and beef bouilon, beef stew meat, some frozen veggies (baby corn, carrots, red bell peppers, broccoli), and a little bit of bow-tie and penne pasta (it's amazing how satisfying only a handful of pasta in a batch of soup can be). I've got chicken breast already in the freezer from a sale a few weeks ago. So I'm set for making soup.
I had today what is becoming a weekly splurge (remember last Sunday's birthday cake for Victoria). I had a chicken sandwich with a slice of fat-free cheese on whole grain bread for breakfast and lunch. Then for dinner, Adam made tuna mac and cheese with mixed veggies. Not very diet-friendly, but very tasty. And for a late-night snack, I had VERY yummy Ben and Jerry's. Now before you think "Oh wow, she really blew it..", let me assure you it was the best possible ice cream choice. I don't know if they have it everywhere, but here in Omaha at the WalMart SuperCenter there is a three and a half ounce version of Ben and Jerry's. Cute little containers that are smaller than my fist (and I don't have big hands). It still packed a punch with 220 calories, but it was incredibly wonderful and satisfied my urge to splurge. I'm ready to be good for another week.
We went to see a movie tonight, and out of 24 screens, our movie was showing at the one as far as possible away from where we parked. All the way to the end and around to the back. Must have been God's way of telling me to move my butt a bit. Kind of ironic since the movie we saw, The Invention of Lying, spent considerable time making their point that God is a lie. (Boy will Ricky Gervais be surprised when he finds out the truth.)
After the movie, we spent about an hour and a half at WalMart. The first half hour was spent specifically shopping for the soup pot. But the next hour was spent walking up and down every aisle in the grocery section. I didn't have a lot to buy, so I just took the opportunity to walk. I can't go fast with my back hurting, so it wasn't like it would be if a normal person spent an hour walking. But it was still really good for me. And really, any time I spent with Adam is appreciated. (He and his brother Dan are my heroes -- there aren't enough words to say how much I love them!)
So, all in all, it was a good day. A very good one.
I had today what is becoming a weekly splurge (remember last Sunday's birthday cake for Victoria). I had a chicken sandwich with a slice of fat-free cheese on whole grain bread for breakfast and lunch. Then for dinner, Adam made tuna mac and cheese with mixed veggies. Not very diet-friendly, but very tasty. And for a late-night snack, I had VERY yummy Ben and Jerry's. Now before you think "Oh wow, she really blew it..", let me assure you it was the best possible ice cream choice. I don't know if they have it everywhere, but here in Omaha at the WalMart SuperCenter there is a three and a half ounce version of Ben and Jerry's. Cute little containers that are smaller than my fist (and I don't have big hands). It still packed a punch with 220 calories, but it was incredibly wonderful and satisfied my urge to splurge. I'm ready to be good for another week.
We went to see a movie tonight, and out of 24 screens, our movie was showing at the one as far as possible away from where we parked. All the way to the end and around to the back. Must have been God's way of telling me to move my butt a bit. Kind of ironic since the movie we saw, The Invention of Lying, spent considerable time making their point that God is a lie. (Boy will Ricky Gervais be surprised when he finds out the truth.)
After the movie, we spent about an hour and a half at WalMart. The first half hour was spent specifically shopping for the soup pot. But the next hour was spent walking up and down every aisle in the grocery section. I didn't have a lot to buy, so I just took the opportunity to walk. I can't go fast with my back hurting, so it wasn't like it would be if a normal person spent an hour walking. But it was still really good for me. And really, any time I spent with Adam is appreciated. (He and his brother Dan are my heroes -- there aren't enough words to say how much I love them!)
So, all in all, it was a good day. A very good one.
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